This massive fire was the direct result of a wooden wine rack burning.

BLUE HOUSE — Astronauts aboard the International Space Station witnessed a strange occurrence Saturday night—a large flare of flaming light seemingly sprouted from the Earth. While it appeared as something sinister, the flare was nothing more than the remains of a wooden wine rack burned to ashes as an unlikely sacrifice celebrating M. C. Fox’s twenty-eighth birthday.

The large fire was only one highlight at a gala that became an elegant gathering of the Blue House’s finest. Earlier in the night, a select group of gentlemen gathered around the Kitchen and try a sample of a rare Vietnamese cocktail composed of a golden liquid drowning a cobra eating a scorpion. Fox described the drink, “It tasted like maple syrup.”

The coterie was all night treated with films projected onto the House’s top-notch outdoor screen. Films included such classics as Beerfest and Super Troopers. Most agreed it was better than the Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

“The night,” said Taylor, one of the guests, “in a word, was magical.”

It was so magical, in fact, that once the wine rack was torched in honor of the “Fantastic” Mr. Fox, a flame the size of Mount Rainier shot into the heavens—startling America’s astronauts. Once they learned what the flame was for, they joined in song wishing Fox a happy birthday.

Many students left vulgar messages on Pellissippi's screensavers.

THE HOUSE – In exhausting efforts to find a new computer tech, Blue House recruiters have compiled a list of potential replacements for M.C Fox’s old position. “Well, our first consideration for the job is obviously The Winner of the World, but getting him isn’t going to be a piece of cake,” recruiter Jeff L. Horner commented at a press conference. “We are really cutting it close here,” fellow recruiter Nichole stated. “Classes start soon and no one wants to take on the task of installing all those computers in such short time.”

Few observers have received the opportunity to peer into Fox’s work place. His office has been described as “the Wonka Chocolate Factory of computers.” Fox is said to have a wall of monitors surrounding his desk and little G.I Joes guarding all his equipment. Other techs at Pellissippi State say that Fox is the only man capable of tackling the work load.

Jeff L. Horner warns that “if The Winner declines our offer, then our other options would be Dhizzy or Cory Mac. Fox is nearly irreplaceable, so our new tech has to be above average, at least.” As Fox’s departure nears, more and more anti-Fox propaganda can be seen throughout Pellissippi’s campus. Computers at the school are widely sporting anti-Fox screen savers. It is clear that Fox has burned his bridges here in Tennessee. We can only hope that The Blue House recruiters can find a new computer tech in time.

These black treads are the marks of a champion.

TOKYO – M.C. Fox is at it again. Following his heroic exploits in bedroom basketball and the Amazon War, he took his infinitesimal talent to the Far East. While in Japan, Fox conquered the myriad street racing gangs that haunt Tokyo’s highways. In the process, he even defeated the ultimate boss, simply known as “???”.

“It was amazing to watch,” Jeff L. Horner stated after witnessing the final race. “For a while, it appeared that he might fail, but, in the end, his will and determination brought him through once again.”

Fox, who drove a Mitsubishi Lancer during the final race, simply said, “It was a tough race.” And while it seemed that “???” might have Fox’s number, he employed a very keen strategy. “???” is known for his excellence racing on the C1 section of Tokyo’s highways. Fox initially challenged him on the C1 and then forced him onto the Shinjuku Way.

“The Shinjuku really was the key here,” The Blue House Lives senior racing expert said. “There is no way Fox could have beat him on the C1, but once “???” found himself on Shinjuku, it was a completely different race.”

“???” definitely struggled on the Shinjuku, as he found himself striking walls and hordes of traffic. Fox, however, knowing that he had the advantage, kept his composure. “He drove like a pro,” one onlooker related. “Once they were off the C1, it was obvious who was going to win this race.”

Fox proved himself on Tokyo's highways.

Fox, whose orange Lancer sailed at superhuman speeds, celebrated his victory by squealing his tires in The Blue House Garage. This left an indelible mark on the garage’s coated floor. Two treads of victory signified the departure rout of a street racing legend. These marks, however, will soon have to be cleaned before the landlord visits.

Fox also received a hefty bonus following his victory. He was awarded 100,000,000 credits, which he can spend on a new car and aftermarket modifications. Inside sources state that this car may be a Nissan Skyline, but as of yet, no one is exactly sure what he will purchase.

It is unclear whether Fox will ever grace the Tokyo highways again. Many are happy to see him gone, however. Rolling Guy #1, a longtime rival, stated, “He needs to be up and outta here. He makes it hard on the rest of us to get a yen.” Fox did not have a reply. He merely maintains a well-deserved silence. It is that silence and composure that makes him such a street racing legend.

Fox's surgical techiniques saved an ill TV.

THE EAST WING – Michael C. Fox recently came into possession of a fancy high-definition television. Yet, while the TV appeared grand on the outside, it had unknown traumas within: it didn’t work. While this would discourage the average man, Michael C. Fox gratefully accepted the challenge. “I can fix it,” he said.

Yet, when he received his first glance at the TV, his heart skipped a beat. It would not illuminate to life, and there was an incessant buzzing every time it was plugged into the electric socket. One observer described the sound: “It sounded like someone’s phone was on vibrate inside the TV, and they were getting an endless amount of texts.” Many even went so far to speculate that it sounded like Fox’s own personal phone. However, Fox calmly retrieved his phone and proved those speculations false.

The Blue House, however, was in a precarious state. It had gained a new television to replace the dying digital projector, but that television was comatose. This instance is where Michael C. Fox jumps in. Like any legendary hero, be it Spiderman or John Stamos, Fox selflessly came to save the day. He delved into the television and gutted it sufficiently, and in his exploration, he discovered a vital flaw: the color wheel was broken.

The television was in a tragic state.

After investing a gargantuan sum, totaling around $150, Fox was able to repair the television. The Blue House Lives chief entertainment guru stated, “When the television initially came on, there was great rejoicing throughout the world. There was praying at the Wailing Wall and human sacrifices at Stonehenge. What Fox had done was nothing short of miraculous, and the people of the planet knew it.

The television now towers above the East Wing carpet as a shimmering monument to Fox’s fortitude and adroitness. Granted, it is now possible for The Blue House to sink into an endless lethargy in front this TV, and this lethargy could spell ultimate doom for The Blue House Lives. Yet, Jeff L. Horner, a chief editor of The Blue House Lives, issued the following statement:

“The Blue House Lives will continue as it has continued. The introduction of this television will in no way affect the overall work ethic possessed by the tenants of The House. We were lazy from the beginning and shall persist in our laziness. But The Blue House Lives will live on. I only want to congratulate M.C. Fox on another outstanding performance.”

Fox was more than up to the challenge.

For now, the television glows with a luminescence unseen in The House’s expansive mythology. Regardless of Horner’s statement, many critics pan the introduction of the TV and speculate downfall for The Blue House Lives. Yet, with the deepest humility and grace, The Blue House Lives invites those critics to burn in hell. The television will only enhance The Blue House Lives’s creativity by providing a sufficient venue for viewing completed videos. Those videos will bring love and tenderness to a deprived world. Amen.

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