Here lies some of the desolation from the storm that Scooter labelled as "devastating".

BLUE HOUSE — On Tuesday night, two massive systems collided to spawn one of the most terrible thunderstorms to ever strike the Blue House. Strong winds slammed into the area, and a hurricane-like extravaganza erupted with a force unheard of. Thankfully, no one was injured, but the House’s hallowed grounds suffered immensely. Limbs were shattered and thrown from their trees, the trash can was hurled into the yard, and the legendary swing where Fryin’ Brian once roosted was thrown violently into a bush.

“It was devastating,” Scooter said. “What a rush that storm was.”

The tempest was immediately followed by a severe power outage that affected the House for nearly a day. Nothing was visible, and only the silence of a once bustling House remained.

“I could barely see to use the bathroom,” Man-Man said, “and when it’s too dark to poop, you know something ain’t right.”

Scooter recounted his attempt to eat a delicious dinner when the blast arrived: “I was munching on a delicious dish that Nickle prepared, which consisted of salmon, rice, and asparagus. Then the thing hit like a bomb. The storm was everywhere all at once. I thought a tornado was going to strike the House, so I screamed for Nickle and the cats to get downstairs. Of course, no one listened, so I ran down myself. Eventually, it all ended, and, as usual, I looked the idiot—standing in the dark all by my lonesome.”

“I was going to go downstairs too,” Nickle said, “but I didn’t want to be caught unprepared. So, I raced into my room and slipped on tennis shoes. I was the smarter one. Who runs around like an idiot with flip flops on? Coincidently, he (Scooter) had flip flops on.”

Man-Man, however, was content in the garage with his beloved Mazda MX-6. When the power failed, he stood stalwart and continued to restore his masterpiece. When the storm ended and the power refused to return, he enlisted the help of Nickle and Scooter. Nickle held the all-important light, and Scooter used his laptop’s miniscule battery life to serenade the group with soothing music.

“Ain’t no storm going to stop me,” Man-Man said. “Nickle was all right holding the light, and Scooter’s music sucked.”

The group then ascended to the kitchen and played cards by the ambient light of an oil lantern. Each claimed victory in a series of games, but all were winners, for they consumed the warming beer from the refrigerator.

Soon, however, the beer ran scarce, but the House had a proverbial ace up its sleeve. After a scavenger hunt in the downstairs fridge commenced, the trio discovered a trove of beer hidden by the passing years. These beverages were immediately paraded up the stairs in a victory cavalcade.

“It actually turned out quite fun,” Scooter reminisced. “We were forced to be pragmatic, and when that happens, good things happen. I was proud to be a part of it, and mostly, I was proud of the beer.”

The following afternoon, the power returned, and yet, the most unexpected thing occurred. The House experienced sadness. With power came a humdrum return to the everyday. It was even reported that the Blue House itself dripped a drop of blue paint as a symbolical tear.

“I was a little said,” Nickle said. “I wished for another storm, and while they did come, the power remained. It really wasn’t fair. At first the storm was frightening, but then it became a blessing. Oh well. I guess, when the next one comes, I’ll have to throw the breaker to make sure we get the most out of it.”

Scooter has gained considerable weight lately, and he believes that it could be the result of Nickle's delicious food.

BLUE HOUSE — The Blue House scales are straining with the weight of one of its residents. Even the once-sturdy floors are showing signs of collapsing as Scooter packs on gelatinous pounds and waddles around the House. As his waistline expands to previously uncharted pant sizes, he doggedly searches for answers and more food. He does, however, believe that he has solved the mystery. With his own paunch swollen to near sumo quality, he credits his fattening to Nickle’s cooking.

“That’s definitely it,” he said. “I was a beanpole before she got here. Now that she is here, I’m a whale. My friends even call me whale now. When I went to see my family recently, my father commented, ‘There’s my son. He’s a whale-of-a-son.’”

Man-Man, who always adheres to the strictest nutritional discipline, explained why he has not gained as much weight as Scooter. “I don’t eat her food,” he said. “It looks disgusting.”

And yet, Man-Man was spotted recently calling dibs on a biscuit that Nickle prepared. The biscuit was stuffed with chicken and sausage. This incident initially sprinkled doubt upon his nutritional credentials. But, as usual, he had a response. “I saw that biscuit,” he said, “and I did want it, but I did what I do best: I Man-Manned up and ate broccoli instead.”

Nickle’s cuisine is no doubt scrumptious. House dinners boast such delicacies as meatloaf, lasagna, a large variety of soups, and the coveted Filipino lumpia rolls; not to mention, she catered many of the deadly dishes at this year’s Bacon Super Bowl Blitz.

“The lumpia rolls are the best,” Scooter said. When pressed about his advancing belly and his increased risk of heart disease, he simply responded that he would eat Nickle’s food “until I die, no matter the consequences.”

So while Scooter is considered by many to be a lost soul in Nickle’s whirlwind of deliciousness, it is hopeful to speculate that maybe Man-Man can resist. He told a heart-wrenching story of how Nickle tampered with and messed up his standard lintel bean soup. What is usually a hearty, long-lasting meal became another experiment in Nickle’s deadly game. But was Man-Man able to withstand the enticing smell wafting from the Kitchen?

“If you’re asking if I ate it,” he said, “then the answer is yes. Even though it was disgusting, protein is protein. Me Man-Man. Man-Man need protein.”

Nickle, strangely, remains remarkably thin and healthy.  “Lots of exercise,” she said. “That’s all it takes.” As she whipped up an oversize bowl of mashed-potatoes, she stood comfortably in the same pants she has worn for years. Yet, the question has to be asked: How does she stay so thin and surround herself with such food?

“Oh, this food,” she said. “I don’t eat this food. It’s way too fattening.”

An inspirational Predator poster is a must for any aspiring Man-Man.

THE HOUSE – “You better Man-Man up or go lie down, bag ape,” M.C. Fox responds to those who struggle with their training. Fox is identified as the official Man-Man of The House. The Man-Man movement started when Fox noticed a lighthouse collection accumulating in the Corner Room. His solution: a Predator poster erected upon the door indefinitely.

With intense vigor, Fox devoutly drafted the laws for The Conservation of Man-Man Principle. When asked about the principles, Horner casually replied, “it’s all about the 2 P’s: Protein and Predator.” To become Man-Man, one must identify with those who have achieved the level of Man-Man status. Identification occurs during intense meditation in front of The Predator Poster while chanting Kumate. After several hours, Fox was able to separate his mind from the external world and become one with those who are disciplined in Man-Man.

The House recognizes such heroes as Julian, Bill Paxton, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Rambo, among many others. “Man-Man training takes time, effort, and commitment. You just don’t become that way over night,” trainee Wiggs confirms. “It is the most intense training I’ve ever encountered.”

Fox tries to extend his knowledge to the local youth population when the opportunity is presented. “They know I’m coming when they hear the Fletch theme song heading their way,” he said. “Most the time they run though.”

“It seems common for people to feel distressed by this lifestyle,” explains Nickle. “It’s really not for everyone.”

A wide array of protein shake powders is essential to anyone who wants to Man-Man up.

For those preparing their journey, Fox advises trainees to gradually increase their protein intake. Protein is essential for the rigorous exercise accompanied with the training. He recommends putting in Forza Motorsport racing hours as study time. Staying hydrated is also greatly stressed. Protein and liquids are crucial for the health of any Man-Man. As long as an individual follows the principles of Man-Manism and stays committed, a sense of ultra masculine nirvana can be attained.

This image represents what the corn-on-the-cob may have looked like before Man-Man heated it for consumption.

KITCHEN, Blue House – A nutritional breakfast, they say, is an integral part of any day. Man-Man believes this too, and he proved it on Sunday morning by devouring a juicy corn-on-the-cob for breakfast. “It’s the breakfast of champions,” Man-Man said. Sources now believe that the corn came from KFC, which has already been at the forefront of groundbreaking meals (see Chicken and Biscuit Bowl).

Man-Man is no stranger to unconventional breakfasts. For years, he had been known to frequent the Chinese food buffets around town for a beneficial breakfast. Scooter, the Blue House Lives editor, believes the same. “There’s no breakfast like a giant plate of lo mien.”

As countless nutritionists attempt to discover the formula for a perfect breakfast (are eggs good for you or not?), many believe that Man-Man may be ahead of the curve. “A corn-on-the-cob breakfast may be an innovation, but there’s still research to do,” the Blue House Lives leading nutritionist stated. “Eggs and bacon still seem to be the standard, but who knows? Maybe in twenty years everyone will be heating up corn cobs like Man-Man did.”

Man-Man didn’t elaborate on his motives. He merely wanted something scrumptious to start off the day. The corn boosted him so much in fact that he descended the perilous stairs into Caudle’s Dungeon Lair and threatened Caudle continuously with the corn cob. Man-Man portended that he would slide the cob into a sock and beat Caudle repeatedly with it. Caudle, in a stoic manner, gave no response. The sun may have already been too high in the sky for him to arise and be fully cognizant.

Man-Man developed an interest in corn-on-the-cob at an early age, as shown in this childhood roller coaster snapshot.

Man-Man simply chuckled and ascended the stairs munching on his maize nourishment.

If a corn-on-the-cob breakfast can give one the energy and the sheer motivation to enter Caudle’s gloomy abode, what more can it do? While nutritionists ponder the overall effects of this meal, Man-Man will serve as a human test subject, therefore once again proving that the Blue House may have the one up on science.

BHL personnel were shocked to discover that this was The Editor the entire time.

BHL HEADQUARTERS – It came as a shock to us all when The Blue House’s writer, Jeff L. Horner, came out of the closet. “The Blue House’s editor has always been a man of mystery. Then Horner decided to ruin it for us all” co-writer Nichole stated at a press conference earlier. It has become apparent that the elusive and highly secretive Editor-in-Chief for The House paper has been Horner all along.

The Blue House website has always, until recently, hid The Editor’s true identity by featuring various photographs of equally secretive men, like the infamous Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. As of Saturday though, the picture had been taken down and Horner took over the title position of Editor-in-Chief, as opposed to simply Writer.

“I was always suspicious of Horner’s relationship with The Editor, but I never thought it was him the whole time” retired Blue House writer Caudle explained to an eager crowd. “It just seems so obvious now.” Caudle refused to comment any further on the subject.

Nichole and Video Contributor Man-Man were not afraid to express themselves moreover. “I feel that my work relationship with Horner may be affected.” Nichole told the press. Man-Man agreed that it doesn’t feel quite right. “I slammed the door on his office hundreds of times. Even now, with him as editor, I’ll still slam his stupid little door.” he said. Nichole stated that she wouldn’t feel like she and Horner would be equal colleagues.

Nichole and Man-Man will not settle until Horner presents them with a pizza party.

The House has experienced an overnight installment of a hierarchy system in the matter of seconds. It’s only natural that there would be an upset among everyone. “I mean, we didn’t even know and now everyone knows who’s been calling all the shots” Man-Man continued to argue. Rumor has it that there may be a strike on the way.

Horner declined to say much on the matter, other than that he promises nothing will change as far as the paper is concerned. “I just wanted to give credit where credit was due. I didn’t want to make my associates feel inferior or awkward in any way” were his only recorded statements. Representatives for Horner want to make it clear that his decision to unmask The Editor was for professional reasons only, and not for the purpose of gloating.

Representatives for Nichole and Man-Man replied that they require a pizza party courtesy of Horner to earn their forgiveness.

Man-Man shows everyone how to wrap up and haul the Christmas tree.

Following the holiday season, it is only customary for residents of The Blue House to humbly take down the Christmas decorations and return The House to its normal state. Although the removal of the decorations is socially acceptable thing to do, it is a melancholy time for everyone involved. Yet, when Man-Man is behind the wheel of any operation, things are bound to get interesting.

Considering that he is the undisputed royal highness of removing any holiday flourish, it should therefore be him that displays the sacred art to everyone else. Therefore, a short video was produced that exemplifies his revolutionary method to toting the Christmas tree from one side of The House to another.

“I was there,” stated Scooter, longtime resident and friend. “His methods are a bit unorthodox, but I believe that we all learned something that day. We learned that there is no definitive way of doing something when it comes to Man-Man. Every time the expected procedure is altered drastically, and the results are definitely worth seeing.”

It must be noted that the tree took severe beating this season. It was knocked over twice, initially by Caudle and then by Scooter. The ornaments were shattered and shards coated the carpet of the East Wing. There are many who speculate that The Blue House Tree has had its run. Its fate will definitely be decided next year.

Hopefully, the following video will enchant the nation and educate everyone in a new way of holiday tree removal. Here is the aforementioned video:

Man-Manzilla releases his rage upon the unsuspecting Whisker City.

WHISKER CITY- A once quiet city, suddenly demolished by the uncontrollable excitement of Man-Manzilla, and on the night of Blue House member Nichole’s birthday.  It was like any other birthday, Nichole recalls, filled with friends, laughter, and all around good times. Then suddenly, without warning, Man-Man transformed into Man-Manzilla. He became very similar to Bruce Banner when he goes into Hulk mode under a fit of rage. As soon as he spotted Whisker City, he decided to dive right in, and it was all over.

Though his intentions were not malicious, one witness proclaims “Man-Man was just trying to go to Whisker City.” The city is quite inviting, with its alluring cat nip aroma and hanging toys. It was originally built for the purpose of feline enjoyment, by the good people at Pet Smart, and now resides within the confines of The Blue House East Wing. Its primary occupant, Lionelle, has been putting in around-the-clock efforts to rebuild it and the once proud Coffee Table that sheltered it. The city has been trying to recover ever since the October twenty-first disaster.

Whisker City has seen a rapid decline in tourism, agriculture, and overall happiness. The citizens have been living in fear, wondering when the next Man-Man quake will hit. For preventative measures, and mostly liability purposes, the city council is considering exiling Man-Man from the city, just in case Man-Man’s Dr. Jekyll side, Man-Manzilla, decides to revisit. “It’s not that we’re ungrateful to him, because we’re not. After all he is our founder. Whisker City just needs to recuperate after such a traumatic ordeal. It feels like 9/11 all over again” states one resident.

Lionelle pledges her allegiance to the city.

Blue House member Scooter says he’s more concerned about The Blue House Coffee Table than Whisker City. “The Coffee Table has been through a lot, I don’t know how many more repairs it can handle. I just hope it can be revived again.” When asked about the birthday incidents, Blue House member Nichole announced that that birthday was probably one of the most memorable ones she has ever experienced. Man-Man is considering releasing an official apology to Whisker City and Lionelle in the near future.

O.G. is quickly catching on at The House.

THE HOUSE – The game: O.G. The origin: Unknown. Popularity status of this infamous Northwest card game has been skyrocketing ever since the “great” Northwest correspondent Nichole (yet to receive an official nickname) has introduced it to The Blue House. Members of The House are considering dropping off the proper forms to committee in order to make O.G. The House’s Official Card Game. Discussions have been made regarding designating an official O.G card night for the week.

When first taught the game, The Blue House was considerably perplexed by this advanced card game, unknown completely outside of the Puget Sound region. Rumor has it that O.G. was invented in an isolated prison on McNeil Island off the shore of Steilacoom, WA.

The O.G acronym has slowly taken on many meanings. In the Northwest, it is primarily known as original gangster or organized general. Since its expansion from the West coast, it has telephoned into “obscene gayness” and “occult genitalia” thanks to The Blue House.

As addicting and strategic as the game is, and as simple it may truly seem, it can be quite difficult to grasp at first. Once strategies were developed, Blue House members began going wild, screaming absurdities and antagonizing one another. Players have even jumped over The Porch table demanding rematches. From there the spiral of round-after-round of O.G. ass-kicking began.

Blue House member Man-Man took little pity on close Blue House friend Fryin’ Brian as he tragically attempted to learn the rules of the game under the influence. As Man-man continued to instigate Fryin’ Brian and his poor skills, FB was quoted as aggressively responding “I just want to learn the game! I just want to learn the game. Fuck off, I’m trying to learn the fuckin’ game!” Fryin’ Brian’s eagerness and enthusiasm to understand the game was quite apparent, but his slow pace at grasping the rules and game strategies were quickly used against him by Scooter and, more often, Man-Man.

Nichole brought the game from the "great" Northwest.

As expected with any addicting substance, all players were present the next day for more. Only this time, they came prepared with their game faces on. Talk had circulated, and it became apparent that the Blue House had formed alliances within already existing alliances. Along with creating allies and enemies, a silent language of cheat codes composed entirely of coughs and blinks were noticed as well.

Who knows if members of The Blue House will ever reach such champion levels as World, Universal, Divine, or Ultimate Yoda O.G. Master? Only one has been known to even reach Divine, and naturally that player resides in Dupont, WA, which is the capital of O.G tournaments (for now). Maybe with practice, The Blue House might have a chance at this extraordinary Pacific West Coast game…maybe.

Rules

• 3 face down cards, not to be touched till end of game. They are to be drawn randomly through the guide of lady luck.
• 3 face up cards, or “front line (BH Trademark)” cards rest on top of the 3 already down
• 3 cards in hand, so 9 to start. The 3 cards in hand can only be swapped out for higher cards with the front line cards at the beginning of the game.
• 3 cards must remain in hand consistently, as players discard and pick up from the remaining deck, or draw pile. Object is to match or trump the starter card, which is just flipped from the draw pile. The starter card must be lower than a face card and can’t be a 2 or 10 either. Once the players have swapped their front line out and the starter card is flipped, the player left of the dealer starts the game off.
• If a player cannot match or trump a discarder card, then he or she must pick up the discard pile and use it in his or her hand till the hand is back down to 3 cards again
• Once a player’s hand is gone, and there are no more cards to pick from the draw pile, then players turn to the front line for support. Once those cards are diminished, then players rely on the mystery cards faced down and hope that luck is on their side. If the card they flip cannot beat the discard pile, then the player must pick up that pile and continue to play.
• Winner is whoever gets rid of their entire hand first

• 2’s are wild/reverse back to the players turn
• 10’s blow up the discard pile and those cards are no longer in use. Player then places down the new starter card
• 4 of a kinds act as 10’s and blow up the pile
• 3-9 are ranked in numerical order
• Jacks-Aces are high, like most face cards are and are ranked accordingly. Aces are highest next to 2’s and 10’s, so be careful with them. Suits are irrelevant.
• Remember to keep 3 cards in hand!!!

* Game can be played with 2-4 players, preferably 3. Any more requires another deck of cards, or ½ a deck.

Bi-Lo provided an early adventure for future Blue House tenants.

Before The Blue House, two of its contributors, scooter and Man-Man, embarked on a series of adventures marked completely by their pointlessness. In 2002, the two went to Bi-Lo with two other companions, Fue and Amy, to turn off the automatic doors. This caused panic at the local grocer, for consumers could not enter or exit the store.

Recently, a documentary surfaced explaining this exploit. The Blue House Lives senior grocery correspondent stated, “Words alone cannot describe this piece. It must be witnessed to be fully believed.” Following our correspondent’s advice, we will let the work speak for itself.

Here is the video in its entirety:

The unthinkable was found inside of the router.

The Blue House Lives has been involved in an ongoing investigation to determine the source of the Blue House’s internet connection difficulties. It was only recently, however, that our investigation turned up some hard evidence. What we found is heinous, ghastly, and, most of all, lascivious. The Blue House Lives chief investigative reporter Man-Man has submitted this video as a summary of the investigation. Viewer discretion is advised.

NOTE: After further investigation, it was uncovered that the bearded man in the scene is our BUS LINE, and the man in the suit is our DATA.