With Corey's Bachelor Party Video steeped in rumor, the final product will premiere at his party on Saturday.

BLUE HOUSE — With Corey’s Bachelor Party quickly approaching, only two things are certain. One is that women’s hearts are breaking across the planet with the news that Corey Mac is soon to tie the knot. And two is that a new bachelor party video will soon premiere. Considering that this publication could not care less about the hearts of Earth’s women, the video is certainly the highlight of the whole gala.

Few details have emerged regarding the film, however. A recent announcement stated that the piece is to play in staggering, real-time 2D. This is clearly a step up from Duncan’s video, which only aired in staggering 2D. And while a teaser trailer has been released, lips are firmly sealed concerning the storyline.

“Perhaps the bar was set a little high with Duncan’s Bachelor Party video,” Scooter said. “With this video, just don’t expect too much. You’ll love it.”

M.C. Fox, a veteran among video-editors, engaged in an epic battle with Pinnacle Studio over the video. It seemed that while Fox wanted to give Corey a memorable video, Pinnacle had too little memory to perform simple operations. Curses rent the air as Fox tried to tame the program, and yet Pinnacle proved as tame as any T-Rex by repeatedly hurling glitches and freezes at the frustrated editor.

And even with these setbacks, the rumors continue. Some eccentric rumor mongers have even said that a Blue House film crew was spotted in Japan working on the bachelor video. Most, however, dismiss this story as foolish speculation.

With the video in such a cloud of uncertainty, it is now questioned whether the party will be worthwhile at all. If the video proves forgettable, will anyone maintain the desire to party?

“That,” Scooter said, “depends on the video. No one likes to party after a bad video.”

Fox, however, has supreme confidence in the party. “The video,” he said, “can be only one of two things, good or bad. If it’s really good, you have to party. And if it’s really bad, you have to party.”

He then raised his arms to the air like a champion and declared, “I like to party. I like to party.”

The MX-6 started and unleashed an uncontrollable cloud of smoke or, to M.C. Fox, "a cloud of glory."

THE GARAGE — Last weekend, The Blue House heard an extraordinary noise. The cause? The MX6 (a.k.a. Gibraltar) fired up for the first time in a very, very long time. Fumes of hard work diffused throughout the house, filling the air with proud molecules of carbon monoxide. House members stood in awe as they made attempts to protect their eardrums while watching the miraculous display.

“I’ve never heard such noise before. Ever since I joined the Blue House, all I knew the MX6 was capable of was sitting there in dull silence. I was wrong,” Nickle told the BHL.

“Oh that noise. That’s just the open headers,” M.C Fox explained.

When a car has open headers, there is no exhaust system installed, and the motor sounds like a powerful thunder storm in an enclosed garage. House members, however, could only take so much of the awesomeness before the light headedness and burning eye sensation kicked in. Residents were forced to evacuate the House and retreat to the sanctity of the Porch.

The show continued sporadically throughout the night in celebration. Even the neighborhood ass, Steve, had to bray in response to the rumbling. Fry-Bry, the House’s Porch Rider and renowned MX6 pessimist, admitted that overcoming that feat was a huge step for Fox in his mission to get The Gibraltar up and running.

“I’m really doing all this for the kids,” Fox told an audience of fellow Car-Domain.com enthusiasts.” I know they don’t get to see one of these beauties too often. But really, it’s for everyone’s viewing pleasures. And it’s fun to drive.” Fox also stated, however, that the car won’t be ready for any shows soon, but things are looking up for next year.

In response to the excitement, Fry-Bry grumbled, “That hunk of metal ain’t going anywhere, brother. Eight-year-olds, dude.”

“I still have a lot of work to do before I enter it into anything just yet. It needs another coat of paint probably.” Fox said.

Although Fox is cautious in his predictions, other House members have faith that they’ll live to see the 6 drive up and down the road someday.

Many claim that the Knoxville area Red Cross has been devoid of volunteers for decades.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Washington has asked the United States and 50 States to revoke Tennessee’s popular nickname, The Volunteer State. Washingtonians wonder why the state continues to call itself that when it has not made an actual volunteer effort since the war of 1812.

“If they wanted to prove themselves, then now is the time,” challenged Nickle, a long-time dedicated Washingtonian.

“To be honest, I’m a little insulted by these allegations. Why I volunteered just last week for Pellissippi States’ Recycle Mania and won an honorary t-shirt for best recycling maniac,” M.C. Fox proudly responded.

Representatives for the Washington Volunteers Committee explained that the Tennessee Red Cross website has no information on donating towards disaster relief for Japan.

“It’s just sickening that they call themselves Vols and hardly respond when their services are called upon,” a representative for the Evergreen State declared.

The American Red Cross is advertising for relief funds via TV commercials and radio broadcasts urging Americans to donate $10 to their local Red Cross. The Rainier Red Cross, representing multiple counties in Western Washington, displays ways to assist in the Japan earthquake and Pacific Tsunami Response Efforts Front and Center on their webpage. The Knoxville area Red Cross does not.

“I get that the local pages are just that, more localized. But seriously, this was a huge disaster that deserves American attention. All of America,” expressed a Washingtonian volunteer during their final statements.

This image has been proposed a new state seal for Tennessee, as it emphasizes the state's lack of volunteers.

We are currently awaiting Tennessee’s response to the allegations from the West. The Blue House, however, will not stand for such blasphemy.

“If it’s volunteering they want, then it’s volunteering they’ll get,” declared Scooter. “I will drive everyone down to the Sunrise Market this instant and make a $20 donation. How dare those hacky-sacking liberals tell the Vols we don’t volunteer enough.” The Blue House itself has been actively engaged in such selfless operations as recycling and donating.

With the threat of their proud state title possibly being stripped away, can The Blue House get enough Tennesseans to make donations towards the Japan relief fund as an act of volunteerism?

“It’s doubtful,” most Washingtonians said.

Fox is a tremendous driver, but Fujima Kaido's drift challenge has proven too much so far.

EAST WING, Blue House — While it was reported that M.C. Fox had defeated Forza Motorsport 3, it seems that the accolade was preemptive. Fox is actually one achievement point short of conquering the game, and that one achievement has been nothing short of a colossal challenge. The challenge is drifting, and it requires Fox to garner 100,000 drifting points on one lap. This achievement is, by far, the toughest on the game.

In order to have a chance, Fox hiked to the top of Japan’s famous Fujima Kaido race course. The course traverses mountainous terrain in a track that is as curvy as a dragon’s tail. While the course gives Fox a drifting advantage, 100,000 points remains elusive.

“It’s a difficult feat,” Scooter said on his weekly BHSN show. “100,000 points has never been done by anyone at the House, and it’s possible that the number has never been hit in the history of the universe. Fox is attempting original stuff here.”

Fox’s best score is a little over 80,000, which while impressive, is nearly 20 percent short of the goal. The problem is a simple one, for it involves time-travelling rewinds that enable Fox is redo portions of the course he initially messed up. While the rewinds should power him through to the finish with well over 100,000, they surprisingly deplete near the end of the course. After that, Fox merely bounces and careens off of guardrails like a pinball (if that’s what you’re into).

These failures beg the question: Is the end of Fox’s prestigious racing career? Will the former Tokyo Star finally fall short in a race? If so, will his career ever rebound? Fox, unfailingly, had a reply:

“I’ll keep going,” he said. “Ain’t no course going to beat me. I’ll beat it and then “conamicate” the House with my glory.”

But the question remains: What if this race, on this course, is Fox’s Waterloo? What if this is the one that he cannot win?

“If I can’t do it,” Fox said, “I’ll put up an ad on craigslist: Twenty dollars for someone to come over and beat it. Then I’ll “conamicate” the House with my glory.”

Fox promises to defeat the challenge and "conamicate" the House with his glory.

A donkey similar to this one keeps the House awake with its nightly braying.

BLUE HOUSE — For the past few years, a radical bird barraged the house with midnight chirps and whistles This year, the bird disappeared. And while peace should be at hand, it is not. A donkey has taken up the reins, and it brays through the night driving a stake into the hearts of the House’s sleepers. Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw: the current sound of night at the House.

The donkey resides on a farm that is within a mile’s distance, and it seems to have nothing better to do than stand firm in that field and yell through the night:

HEE-HAW! HEE-HAW! HEE-HAW!

“I’m going to kill that thing,” Nickle said one night at the donkey howled in the night. “It’s ridiculous, plain and simple. Who has a donkey in a residential neighborhood?”

The answer to that question is unresolved at the moment. While the donkey has been officially spotted by House officials (and named Steve), its owners remain faceless, and sleep at the House is becoming scarce. With no one to confront, residents limp around with sallow faces and vermilion eyes: solid proof that the donkey has deprived everyone of precious sleep. And it appears that there is no end in sight.

“We don’t have any answers right now,” M.C. Fox said. “It’s a case that I might have to take up, but I work a new case every day. I may not have time for it.”

Nickle, however, is more determined. “I mean it: I’m going to kill that thing. I may not even recycle glass bottles this week. I may launch them at that thing’s face.”

Frustration is no doubt on the faces of the sleepless residents. As those frustrations mount, the donkey goes right on braying into the night, singing a song that might ultimately earn it a violent finish. That is, if Nickle’s threats become actions.

An early morning image of the snow that buried the House over the weekend.

BLUE HOUSE — As snow pummeled the East Coast this weekend, the Subaru SVX, with its touted all-wheel drive system, sat quietly in the garage. The vehicle had once been praised for its winter weather versatility, but following this weekend’s storm, many experts believe that it may be all hype.

M.C. Fox still stands as the number-one promoter of the SVX. “It could handle the snow and ice,” he said. “It just hasn’t had its chance.”

That chance came this weekend, as the second snowstorm of the season pounded the Blue House and the surrounding cityscape. And yet, the car remained stationary, its mythic speculations frozen to mere delusions.

The SVX found its way to Fox earlier in the year, and since its introduction, conjectures regarding its all-wheel drive system have led to many myths concerning the vehicle’s ability. It was once thought that is could blaze through sabulous deserts and cruise over frigid glaciers. It was even once contemplated whether the car could rove on the moon. But those beliefs are now questioned to say the least. Being a no-show for not one but two snowstorms has diminished the car’s reputation.

“No one doubts that it’s a rare car and should be treasured,” Jeff L. Horner, House resident, said, “but we now have to question whether it is simply a showpiece and nothing more.”

M.C. Fox, however, is as implacable as ever. “She could drive in the snow,” he said. “It was Christmas, though. Why would she want to get out of the warm garage on Christmas? She should have eaten turkey and opened presents is what she should have done. I have no doubts that she could handle the snow. Besides, she’s white, and snow is white, which means they were made for each other.”

Colors aside, the fact remains: the snow is melting, and the SVX remains idle. “It better do something,” Horner said. “Speculations can only go so far. Sometimes, a little action is warranted, and so far, I’ve seen nothing.”

The new Christmas tree towers over M.C. Fox on its way to the West Wing ceiling.

WEST WING — It is one of those famed family traditions: when Mother Nature is penetrated and one of her majestic plastic trees is cut. With that, the Blue House recently added a second tree to its burgeoning forest of Christmas pine, and the thing looks wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that it lovingly blossomed to excess and filled the entire West Wing Living Room.

“It’s a ten foot tree in an eight foot room,” M.C. Fox said. “It’s a Griswold tree for sure.”

While tree’s size has catalyzed derisive comments from botanists, the House assures everyone that the tree is, in no way, improper. So what if the ceiling is too low for the tree? So what if its pinnacle is bent under the ceiling? The tree simply represents the bounteous and unfettered joy of Christmas. It is not the tree’s fault that the room is too small to contain its colossal holiday spirit.

“It’s tremendous,” Scooter said. “Its breadth, its height, it’s just unbelievable. It has so much Christmas joy that it spreads it all throughout the House. I sometimes wonder if we can contain such spirit. Perhaps not. Perhaps, instead, it will conquer the Earth and the atmosphere and rain down Santa Coke for a millennium.” Scooter looked to the tree with a pensive stare. “That’s what I hope will happen anyway.”

Not everyone is impressed, however, and one vengeful creature dedicates hours to plotting the tree’s demise. Many have witnessed Lionelle incessantly pouncing and chewing on the tree. She endlessly attempts to crush it with her own brute strength. Christmas, to her, is a blessed holiday, but the tree soaks up too much Christmas spirit, desiccating the world and making it a desert for yuletide joy.

“Lionelle hates it,” Scooter said. “She thinks Christmas spirit is a finite commodity, that there is only so much of it. She believes that the new tree is sponging it all up, and that if left unchecked, the tree will suck the planet bone-dry.”

Regardless of Lionelle’s concerns, the House is proud of the new tree. It once again proves that the Blue House is at the forefront of festive innovation. Not only is the tree from years past still around to share the joy, but the new tree promises years of service as well.

And yet, from a cast-shadow room, draped with blacks and aubergines, Lionelle hunkers with piney image in her eyes. A nefarious hiss tells all. “It’s not over,” she says. “It’s not over by a scratch post.”

That is why the planet gets blessed every holiday season with cases and cases of delicious Santa Cokes. Scientists now believe that Santa Cokes could be the ultimate cause of Christmas joy.

“It’s really the only thing I look forward to every year,” Scooter said with regard to the holidays.

M.C. Fox evidently feels the same way, as he stated, “Yeah, they’re not bad. I like the picture of Santa on the can. It makes me want to put up decorations and listen to carols.”

Other than Blue House tenants, many renowned writers and poets have attempted to describe the first seasonal sip of the sacred beverage. It has been referred to as everything from ‘mesmerizing’ to ‘aphrodisiacal’.

“I truly believe that it has some power,” Horner said. “It tastes so much better than regular Coke that there has to be something magical about it. When I take a sip, a special yuletide feeling covers my whole being. It’s quite a soulful experience.”

Horner’s statement delves into the core of the Santa Coke dilemma: does it really taste better than regular Coca-Cola? Many dismiss the theory that it does as pure hokum. However, those who side with the Santa Cokers, those who believe it does taste better, claim that the people who disagree have simply never had a Santa Coke.

Extensive taste testing has been performed, and the results point to something staggering: Santa Coke may actually taste better. This result has been known by Santa Cokers for years, as the oncoming holiday season warms their hearts and caffeinates their blood.

“My advice for Christmas,” Horner said, “is for people to put that chilled can to their mouths and let the sugary bliss take a holiday stroll on their taste buds. Trust me. From then on, they’ll only want to share the small space under the mistletoe with an ice-cold Santa Coke.”

An inspirational Predator poster is a must for any aspiring Man-Man.

THE HOUSE – “You better Man-Man up or go lie down, bag ape,” M.C. Fox responds to those who struggle with their training. Fox is identified as the official Man-Man of The House. The Man-Man movement started when Fox noticed a lighthouse collection accumulating in the Corner Room. His solution: a Predator poster erected upon the door indefinitely.

With intense vigor, Fox devoutly drafted the laws for The Conservation of Man-Man Principle. When asked about the principles, Horner casually replied, “it’s all about the 2 P’s: Protein and Predator.” To become Man-Man, one must identify with those who have achieved the level of Man-Man status. Identification occurs during intense meditation in front of The Predator Poster while chanting Kumate. After several hours, Fox was able to separate his mind from the external world and become one with those who are disciplined in Man-Man.

The House recognizes such heroes as Julian, Bill Paxton, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Rambo, among many others. “Man-Man training takes time, effort, and commitment. You just don’t become that way over night,” trainee Wiggs confirms. “It is the most intense training I’ve ever encountered.”

Fox tries to extend his knowledge to the local youth population when the opportunity is presented. “They know I’m coming when they hear the Fletch theme song heading their way,” he said. “Most the time they run though.”

“It seems common for people to feel distressed by this lifestyle,” explains Nickle. “It’s really not for everyone.”

A wide array of protein shake powders is essential to anyone who wants to Man-Man up.

For those preparing their journey, Fox advises trainees to gradually increase their protein intake. Protein is essential for the rigorous exercise accompanied with the training. He recommends putting in Forza Motorsport racing hours as study time. Staying hydrated is also greatly stressed. Protein and liquids are crucial for the health of any Man-Man. As long as an individual follows the principles of Man-Manism and stays committed, a sense of ultra masculine nirvana can be attained.

This mysterious white powder was the catalyst for the anthrax scare.

BAY THREE, Garage – A shocking discovery of white, powdery residue was found all over The Blue House lawn mower. In preparation for the worst, some have taken the necessary precautions that typically follow chemical warfare. The Substance was discovered after Carlisle used M.C Fox’s sand blaster.

Graduates from the University of Wikipedia researched into the matter and have unearthed terrifying results. Researchers originally Googled “white powder” and two results topped the list: Cocaine and Anthrax. Fortunately for The House, returning member Wiggs volunteered to help. He was once told by Fox himself that he suspiciously resembled a “cocaine addict’s cook” due to the overexposure of his “Nestle Quiks” from his button shirt. After gearing up in a proper Haz-Mat suit, Wiggs, back at The House, reported “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Unsatisfied with the report, The House decided to further its investigations. Senior Chemical Analyst Scooter, having had the most experience with drugs after snorting a pixie stick in elementary school, concluded that it’s definitely not the sugary powdered treat that haunts his memories. All signs now point to the House’s greatest fear: Anthrax.

The House has quarantined Bays One through Three due to the possible bio terrorist attack. All cars located within The Bays are to remain under lock down till car cleaner and wax is available. As for human exposure, The House can only rely on information streaming the web to become educated about all possible outcomes. Researchers have found that symptoms of Anthrax exposure include cutaneous lesions, gastrointestinal difficulties, and respiratory infections. House member Scooter reports suffering from gastrointestinal problems for some time now. Fox, on the other hand, agonizes over repetitive sneezing.

When asked from what ailments he suffered, Wiggs commented “I feel fine. It’s confusing, I know we have Anthrax poisoning, but I feel like it’s an ordinary head cold.” In order to avoid causing wide spread panic, House officials have decided to wait out the “Anthrax” scare before contacting Knox County Officials. “We want to be certain it’s Anthrax before they tell us what we already know” House spokesman and Anthrax discoverer Carlisle asserted. “This isn’t easy for us. We need all the support we can get.” What does this mean for The Blue House? Are there more enemy attacks to come? Only time will tell.