Smokey's air raid on The Porch easily defeated the hornet that stung her in the face.

THE PORCH — Unexpectedly and forcibly, Smokey launched an air assault on The Porch today. Her mission was to avenge an “unprovoked” sting to her face by an ill-tempered hornet on Saturday.

Smokey stated that she had only been courting the hornet into a prospective trade agreement. Trade agreements are rare between felines and insects, but Smokey expressed a keen interest in salmon imports. In return, she promised the hornet unlimited access to The Porch. However, when Smokey leaned in to perform what she labeled “a cordial embrace,” the hornet struck. She attempted to shrug it off but was mildly stung in the side of the face.

She earned retribution this morning with a series of air raids designed to unseat the hornet. Her weapons included brake cleaner missiles and stuffed carrot bombs. Shortly after the attack commenced, the hornet and its small band of insect allies were decidedly exterminated.

“The strike was very well-coordinated,” Jeff L. Horner, Director of Kitty Studies at Blue House University, said. “Whether or not Smokey’s stated intentions are true, the sparks of a conflict were here, but through her strength, they were quickly extinguished.”

The attack was the first use of aggression by Smokey since her arrival at the Blue House. She displayed an acute decision-making ability combined with a courageous spirit. The insect community, no doubt, will now take note of Smokey as a substantial force. But should Lionelle, the House’s queen of felines, be concerned?

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Horner said. “It is doubtful that Smokey will unleash her air force again.”

He then sat speechless for a moment.

“Unless,” he said, “salmon learn to fly.”

For now, peace reigns over the fort. Expert wonder how long it will last, though.

LIVING ROOM, Blue House — With Smokey and Lionelle on the brink of war, a new feline fort towers over the living room carpet. The fort, dubbed Fort Meow, stands roughly three feet high and commands a highly strategic view of the House’s front lawn. Three elegant levels comprise its structure, and a luxurious hammock strings out near its ground level. A mysterious tube also hangs from its top platform leading experts to speculate that it may be some type of advanced weapon.

“It literally appeared overnight,” Jeff L. Horner, author of The Kitty Konflict: A Complete History, said. “We don’t yet know any particulars, such as who built it and why.” Even with the absence of concrete facts, the rumor mill has been turning. Some experts believe that Lionelle built it as a show of force, while other pundits claim that Smokey erected it to challenge Lionelle’s supremacy. A group of radical speculators have even suggested that Ninja had the fort constructed, and like Napoleon, will soon reenter the House as its grand emperor.

Smokey occupies the top platform at Fort Meow.

Occupation of Fort Meow has, so far, been a timeshare operation. Lionelle and Smokey, who seem as baffled by its presence as the general public, have manned (catted) the fort cooperatively. And while fragile peace rests over the House at the moment, both cats have engaged in subtle threats. Lionelle has hissed and growled, and many close to her compare those sounds to the same ones she uttered at the onset of the Lionelle/Ninja Kitty Konflict. Similarly, Smokey raised a paw at Lionelle, but sources ameliorate the situation by related that her paw was only raised in a “playful sort of manner”.

With neither kitty willing to make a decisive move, Fort Meow remains, for now, a mere curiosity.

Smokey, the new kitty, is described by Nickle as "the cutest kitty the world has to offer".

BLUE HOUSE — It only took three days. Nickle returned to the House on Saturday, and by Tuesday, she had brought a new kitty within its hallowed halls. Since that day, the kitten, called Smokey, has galvanized the House with personality and playfulness that appear unmatched. Yet, as the love-fest for this feline perpetuates, one has to ask: will she upset the pivotal balance of peace that has lately reigned over the House?

“She is peaceful and loveable,” Nickle said, “and, let’s not forget, super cute.”

Cuteness aside, the real asset to this kitten’s worth will be her relationship with Lionelle, who until only recently attained complete control of the Blue House. While she has been unavailable for comment, Lionelle obviously took issue with the new kitten’s arrival. She posted up on top of the East Wing couch on the kitten’s first day and projected a scowl that has been described as a “a ghastly visage, one that looks like the inner workings of fire strong-handed from the bowels of Hell”. And while that image haunted the residents of the House, Smokey seemed unfazed. She simply played and played, and when she saw fit, she played some more. Lionelle, always a star symbol of restraint, remained quiet aside from an occasional hiss and growl.

“This balance of peace is very delicate,” Jeff L. Horner, renowned Kitty Konflict scholar and the author of the new epic, A Complete History of the Kitty Konflict, said. “Lionelle knows this, and Smokey must respect it. Since Ninja’s abdication, the House has been bloodless and amicable. Let us all hope it remains so.”

Many now speculate whether Smokey's presence will upset the balance of peace.

Over the past few days, the two have come into contact on a handful of occasions. Once while lolling on a car cover, Lionelle was disturbed by Smokey. The latter was burrowing under the car cover. A forceful hiss spooked Smokey backwards into a gargantuan reverse pounce. Smokey’s back arched high in a gesture of submission or possibly an attempt to present herself as a larger cat.

Another occasion saw Smokey proffer playtime with a chase and pounce on Lionelle’s back. Lionelle responded with a chase of her own and two swift slaps to Smokey’s cheek, ruffling her whiskers a bit.

And yet, through all the drama and near-misses, full-scale hostility has not broken out. Lionelle keeps a silent vigil and continues to tolerate the new arrival. One can only question, however, how long she will continue to do so.

The new Christmas tree towers over M.C. Fox on its way to the West Wing ceiling.

WEST WING — It is one of those famed family traditions: when Mother Nature is penetrated and one of her majestic plastic trees is cut. With that, the Blue House recently added a second tree to its burgeoning forest of Christmas pine, and the thing looks wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that it lovingly blossomed to excess and filled the entire West Wing Living Room.

“It’s a ten foot tree in an eight foot room,” M.C. Fox said. “It’s a Griswold tree for sure.”

While tree’s size has catalyzed derisive comments from botanists, the House assures everyone that the tree is, in no way, improper. So what if the ceiling is too low for the tree? So what if its pinnacle is bent under the ceiling? The tree simply represents the bounteous and unfettered joy of Christmas. It is not the tree’s fault that the room is too small to contain its colossal holiday spirit.

“It’s tremendous,” Scooter said. “Its breadth, its height, it’s just unbelievable. It has so much Christmas joy that it spreads it all throughout the House. I sometimes wonder if we can contain such spirit. Perhaps not. Perhaps, instead, it will conquer the Earth and the atmosphere and rain down Santa Coke for a millennium.” Scooter looked to the tree with a pensive stare. “That’s what I hope will happen anyway.”

Not everyone is impressed, however, and one vengeful creature dedicates hours to plotting the tree’s demise. Many have witnessed Lionelle incessantly pouncing and chewing on the tree. She endlessly attempts to crush it with her own brute strength. Christmas, to her, is a blessed holiday, but the tree soaks up too much Christmas spirit, desiccating the world and making it a desert for yuletide joy.

“Lionelle hates it,” Scooter said. “She thinks Christmas spirit is a finite commodity, that there is only so much of it. She believes that the new tree is sponging it all up, and that if left unchecked, the tree will suck the planet bone-dry.”

Regardless of Lionelle’s concerns, the House is proud of the new tree. It once again proves that the Blue House is at the forefront of festive innovation. Not only is the tree from years past still around to share the joy, but the new tree promises years of service as well.

And yet, from a cast-shadow room, draped with blacks and aubergines, Lionelle hunkers with piney image in her eyes. A nefarious hiss tells all. “It’s not over,” she says. “It’s not over by a scratch post.”

Ninja returned to House recently but stated that he's only staying for a short time to oversee the House "from the sidelines only."

BLUE HOUSE – A wary Blue House witnessed the return of Ninja this week. The former feline emperor entered the House as a revered guest in order to observe Blue House operations “from the sidelines only.”

“He is not here with any malicious designs,” Jeff L. Horner, senior Kitty Konflict korrespondent, stated. “I know him well enough. He’s not here to start a fight.”

Ninja’s own spokeskitty confirmed that as well in a low-key press conference upon the for ruler’s arrival. “His grand highness Ninja is not here for vanity,” the spokeskitty said. “His untainted majesty of perfection is only here as a very important and exalted friend.”

Lionelle, the unofficial feline leader of the House, voiced a much different opinion concerning Ninja’s visit. Through a translator well-versed in Meepic, Lionelle’s native tongue, she declared, “We, as a House, must not allow such a tyrant (Ninja) to just waltz into this domain whenever he pleases. He must understand that his previous atrocities in this place will not be treated with impunity.”

Many fear that a new war may break out if Ninja does not depart soon. “He’ll be out of here,” M.C. Fox said. “He’s just waiting for his benefactors to return from the Virgin Islands. Hopefully, they return soon, though. Lionelle wants him out or else.” When asked, “Or else what?” Fox did not reply.

Ninja, however, consistently reiterated his peaceful intentions. “I left here in peace, and I have returned in peace. I am only here for a short time,” he said. “It’s not enough time to start a war.” For the future stability of the Blue House, one can only hope that he is truthful.

Ninja's speech was very brief, but its implications are house-altering.

THE PORCH, Blue House – The speech came and went. It was short and sweet. And Ninja is gone, having left the house, as he claimed it, in “peace.”

While the speculators expected a speech that would rival Kennedy or Lincoln, Ninja instead delivered a speech that consisted of only 107 words, but many near the scene say that it may resonate for years to come. “Ninja is a modern Cincinnatus,” Jeff L. Horner, leading Kitty Konflict historian, said. “He left the house up to its own devices. Now, only God knows what kind of government the house will adopt.”

Ninja described abandoning his throne as his “rightful and noble duty” and went on to “thank the house for its blessings.” Following the speech, The Porch, Ninja’s old stronghold, erupted in gracious applause. Even Lionelle was said to have wept when he concluded.

Now, it seems the house is at peace, and the cries of kitty warfare are silenced like ghosts absolved. One can only hope that the tranquil feeling will last. Today may be marked as a holiday if it does. But if not, may we all celebrate this day in Ninja’s honor, or perhaps honor it as Ninja does. “Today,” he said, “let us revel in peace.”

Here is Ninja’s speech as seen on The Porch:

“It caught us all by surprise,” Nickle stated shortly after the abdication and subsequent shave. “He stood for order and strength. Right now, our strength is drained, and we are certainly without order.”

As disquietude reigns in Ninja’s place, those close to the house think the only solution is a unanimous appeasement to Lionelle. “I think,” Striker said, “that it’s time for Lionelle to rise to the position that she’s been prepared for her entire life.”

When asked whether the war is over or not, however, Jeff L. Horner responded simply by saying, “I don’t know enough yet.” Ninja’s forces, for now, still occupy The Porch, the symbolic stronghold that carried so much significance throughout the war. Who commands them following the abdication remains a mystery.

Reports have also been surfacing, that show that Lionelle has been strengthening her forces. It is possible that she could launch an assault upon The Porch while Ninja’s military faces a logistics calamity.

The Blue House is confused and anxious right now. Many believe that Ninja’s abdication may grant freedom, but others believe it will plunge the house into a pool of anarchy. All fears are justified, and it appears that only Ninja’s speech later this week will hold the answer.

Sophie comments on the Kitty Konflict at a peaceful conference with Lionelle.

STUDY WINDOW – Once made desolate in a decisive battle between Lionelle and Ninja, Study Window has now become the site of a Yalta-esque conference between Lionelle and Sophie. This conference shocked many bystanders as Sophie has just entered the fray of kitty politics, but Lionelle may use this meeting to fight off rumors that she has exhausted her war machine. These rumors radiated upon the war scene after her crucial loss at The Third Battle of the Porch.

Eyewitnesses to the conference say that Lionelle appeared haggard and aged by the long war, and many state that she had a tinge of nostalgia as she returned to Study Window, where she was also defeated by Ninja last year.

Study Window has long been abandoned by Ninja, as he has transferred his entire command to The Porch, where he can dictate the flow of goods into The Blue House. After Lionelle’s and Sophie’s conference, the rumor mill began to grind yet again. Kitty Konflict strategists speculate that Sophie is stepping in an attempt to ease Ninja’s stranglehold on the kitty economy.

In her first official statement regarding the Kitty Konflict, she said, “The House cannot simply stand by and allow Ninja to perpetuate what should be construed as a basic kitty rights abuse. His so called ‘anaconda plan’ has denied Lionelle many of her basic necessities, and that includes food.”

Sophie went on to refer to several recent instances where Lionelle’s food bowl was empty. “There was a time,” she said, “when Lionelle’s bowl was a verifiable horn-of-plenty.”

Critics has interpreted Sophie’s comments as evidence that she will eventually ally with Lionelle, but Jeff L. Horner, chief Kitty Konflict correspondent, thinks differently. “What Sophie is showing,” he said, “is an overarching concern for kitty well-being and not a preference for one combatant over another.”

Ninja’s people have yet to issue a comment, as he has yet to acknowledge Sophie as member of The House, but many experts state that he is simply biding his time. “He will meet with her,” an aide close to Ninja stated. “We believe that the meeting with Lionelle does not reflect anything, and when Sophie is ready, we will gladly accept her as a working member of the Ninja Empire.”

Sophie, unequivocal in her words, summed up her meeting with Lionelle in a few short statements. “I hope that with my visit here,” she said, “will eventually accord this house with peace. That’s all I aim for, and that’s why I met here with Lionelle. She is definitely a courageous and dignified feline, and I hope that, in the future, I will be granted correspondence with Ninja as well.”

Sophie enthusiastically explores The Study.

THE HOUSE- As the kitty conflict heightens over Ninja’s victory as Kitty of the Year, Lionelle follows in close pursuit, and she is determined to put an end to his reign. Despite all the tension and hostility, a new bright and shining light beams into The House. This light comes in the form of Sophie, The House’s newest addition to Kitty society.

In the few short weeks since Sophie’s arrival, she has already charmed her way into everybody’s heart. She was first discovered by House tenants Jeff L. Horner and Nichole at the local pet store. “As soon as I saw her I knew she was the one” Nichole proclaimed. “The House needed a savior and she was it.” It didn’t take little Sophie long to adapt to The House’s unusual way of functioning. Not even Lionelle’s disapproving hiss could deter Sophie’s trusting and upbeat personality. “I’ve seen Sophie take claim to highly disputed Study Window and neither Lionelle nor Ninja dare to challenge her intrusion.”

Sophie has a limited understanding in regards to the infamous Kitty Konflict. Some say she may not know what she’s getting herself into. If anything, her fearlessness has been agreed to be her advantage in the war between Lionelle and Ninja.  Although sworn enemies, the two combatants have been reportedly sighted entering into cahoots over her arrival and assumed hopeful departure.

Sophie is becoming quite content within the confines of The House.

The House and the world wonders what will come of the Kitty Konflict, or whether The Konflict will continue to worsen or possibly end? Only time will tell. But one thing is definite, that the addition of Sophie has had nothing but a positive influence on everyone and the overall House environment. So The Blue House would like to give a warm and inviting welcome to Sophie, and hopefully her stay there will ensure better times to come.

Ninja delivered his State of The House address to a crowded Kitchen.

THE KITCHEN– The State of The House address was given recently by elected Kitty of the Year, Ninja, to a fully-packed House conference session. The speech was given on the floor of The Kitchen, where Ninja sat tall and erect on a stool at The Kitchen counter. As always, the presiding officer, Princess Sophia Banana-Hammock, also Ninja’s rumored mistress, sat directly behind him as he addressed The House’s current problems.

Among the topics Ninja covered in his speech were proposals for House deficit reduction, more importation of goods, and health care reform.  It has been said by many House members that Ninja’s love for chicken put The House under financially. His economic goals now circulate around cutting back spending to lower the deficit, so The House can continue to import more chicken.

Following the speech, Lionelle stood up to deliver the opposing response from the floor of The Kitchen. Lionelle questioned Ninja’s ability to deliver his promises, citing health care reform as an example. Ninja plans on investing in building cleaner litter box facilities, yet Lionelle claims his inability to stick to one litter box is the cause for the dirty bathrooms’ condition.

House members also doubt Ninja’s proposals for deficit reduction. “How can we save money when Ninja demands more and more chicken each day?” questions speech attendee Nichole Stevens. “I don’t know what more Ninja can do about the deficit. He already cut funding to most of The House research programs” Jeff L. Horner posted on his blog earlier. Ninja has cut The Blue House’s space exploration funding in attempts to cut back spending, while talk about Lionelle’s airline proposition, called Air Kitty, is gaining popularity.

Lionelle's complementary mimosa's serve as a popular attraction on Air Kitty.

Despite criticism towards Ninja’s decisions as elected Kitty of the Year, he still has a strong network of supporters standing behind him, including all of The Corner Room. As far as The East Wing is concerned, Lionelle’s support is growing every day.