The Legends return with their gold as angels sing in heaven.

Everyone attending the “Blonde and Gone” party Saturday evening knew that eventually all eyes would be on the beer pong table. All week, there had been rumors that two folk heroes would make an appearance and turn beer pong into a grand spectacle. It was only when they walked out with flashbulbs exploding around them that everyone gaped and truly believed that legends never die. The Winner of the World and Jeff L. Horner sauntered onto The Porch carrying their hard-earned golden trophies: The WoW with his golden cup and Horner with his championship belt. Their opponents, part of the Bailey clan, knew that it was over before it began.

When the ceremonial cheering and screaming died down and the game began, the Legends went on the offensive. Jeff L. Horner hit an early bounce shot that cleared two cups from the table. The Blue House Lives senior sports correspondent described the impressive scene: “When that bounce shot fell, the people of the world knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the Legends had returned. I whole-heartedly believe that a few spectators wet themselves a bit.”

The girls from the Bailey clan, however, had to strike back. So, in the competitive spirit, they did. They hit two cups which forced the Legends into a proverbial corner. As fans peered on with dejected faces, the Legends sucked in the air and pulled themselves together. In an ingenious move, they began dry-humping one another. This humping forced the girls to overshoot, and the Legends saw a clear opening. They began sinking cup after cup, and the fans stood tall like grateful statues.

Fans gathered around for a picture with the Legends.

“We knew when we humped each other, we grabbed the advantage,” Horner said. “They were clearly shaken, and when you get a lemon like that, you sure as hell better make lemonade.” Once both sides were down to three cups, one could cut the tension with a knife. Yet, the Legends behaved like the immortals that they are, and swiftly finished off the table by hitting the cups. “I’ve never heard cheering like that,” one onlooker stated. “It was loud, yet beautiful. It must have been the angels in heaven celebrating their (Legends) victory.”

As the Legends posed for photographs and signed autographs, one could feel the harmony in the air. Everyone knew that somewhere an old prophet was sitting on a mountain looking down on those two and their victory and nodding his ancient head. The Legends had returned and defended their gold. They had taken one more step towards deification.

OH...Bones... you are so awesome.....

Recently, The Blue House Lives caught up with a House legend, Bones. The following is a transcript from that historic interview.

BHL: so…. Bones… may I still call you that? Or would that be a faux pas, now?

BONES: Paux fas… (giggle) Everyone I know calls me Bones, but lets keep it professional here… call me Mr. May.

BHL: uh… oh k…  (sarcastically) Mr. May….. so let’s start with a basic question.

MR. MAY: that’s not a question…..

BHL: (blank stare)  so, I understand you are in a time crunch. Thanks for sitting down with us for a moment. Where and when were you born?

MR. MAY: Tar Heels! WOOT! WOOT! I’m a Tar Heel through and through baby. I was born in N.C. on my birthday.

BHL: What do you think about the Tar Heel’s winning the national championship last year?

MR. MAY: What? They did? That’s incredible! This may be the greatest day of my life!

BHL: (Muttering) nice life…..(rolling eyes), (cough…. Cough…..) Excuse me….We heard a couple rumors recently, (cough……. cough….) is there anything you wish to say before I ask another question?

MR. MAY: Nah, but I’m sure what ever you heard I can clarify.

BHL: We heard you were one hell of an athlete…..

MR. MAY: Oh, that…. I…I am. I work out every other day.

BHL: What gym do you go to?

MR. MAY: I occasionally go the Rush. But I usually just work out at home. I also drink plenty of water… in fact my doctor told me that I was drinking three times too much water for my body and that I had to start drinking something else everyone now and then. Too much water… (chuckle) that’s how I know I’m being healthy.

BHL: I have one last question if you don’t mind….

MR. MAY: nope… shoot

BHL: Where are you?

MR. MAY: I’m only in your mind…..

(This interview was completely fictitious, and although I and bones really do know each other, my colleagues and I agreed that there is no way he would consent to an interview.)

If you would like to take part in real interview, please email us at thebluehouse@bluehouselives.com, and we will try and set it up.