John's mom's pasta is a delicacy for those who eat crap.

DESOLATE RURAL ROAD – The critics have spoken: John’s mom’s pasta is terrible. It was recently described by one regretful eater as “horrid” and food that “tastes as bad as a John and Kate plus 8 marathon”. The pasta was so bad, in fact, that Whittler’s Meadow addressed the issue with a significant, well-coordinated protest on a rural back road. The following video displays Whittler’s Meadow disgust at John’s mom’s culinary gift. Perhaps, this presentation should act as a warning to all others who attempt to feed The Blue House bad pasta.

Here is the video:

Carlisle thanks Prometheus for the fire.

Last night, all local aristocracy converged upon the Carlisle Estates for what was promised to be the biggest outdoor gathering of the summer. The gala surrounded a large bonfire that was described by one observer as “orange and hot.” The festivity was hosted by John H. Carlisle, the automotive tire tycoon. Attendance was modest at times, but very distinguished. The Blue House Lives freshman social correspondent ultimately labeled the event “an overwhelming success.”

The most conspicuous attraction aside from the fire had to be the makeshift zip line that hurled passengers at high speeds. One passenger described the experience: “You were launched from the tree like a jet ejection. I felt like Harrison Ford in Air Force One. You know, at the end. I zoomed so fast that I thought I left my breath back in the tree.” The zip line was also successful with regard to safety standards, as the Blue House Lives Board of Health, Intoxication, and Safety reported zero injuries linked to the zip line.  Although, there was a small panic when B.L. Caldwell was doused with iced water during his trip down the line, but on-site doctors reported that Caldwell was not threatened by immediate danger from either hypothermia or asphyxiation. “We were all lucky in that regard. Everyone can go home to their families tonight after a rather pleasant experience,” one attendee reported.

Carlisle zip lines into adoring fans.

Along with the fire and the zip line, the party featured a plastic umbrella-covered table with an assortment of complementary foods and delicacies. Most of these foods were potato chips, but most in attendance were satiated. However, there is always a flea on the dog, and this flea was Michael T. Huie, a recent visitor from more eastern lands. He complained regarding the food, “There was no S’mores or wieners. How are you going to have a bonfire without S’mores or wieners? This is crazy!” Most guests, however, were content with the chips.

“Everyone was drinking excessively. It was exactly as it should have been,” on onlooker declared. Even Michael C. Fox, II was not immune to the drink as he was found later in the evening showering the party with water whose spray originated at his crotch. The Winner of the World said of the showering during an interview this morning: “I wish he would have shot it in my hair!” The drinks served or brought to the party have received overall praise from critics who labeled them as “inebriating.”

Guests left the event with a favorable impression of Mr. Carlisle as well. A Blue House Lives poll from the event shows that 98 percent of attendees found Mr. Carlisle to be “congenial and charming.” The Winner of the World expressed affection for Carlisle by saying, “He’s the best taint-haired guy I know.” Even Michael T. Huie was impressed. When asked about Mr. Carlisle, he stated, “He’s gay.” Huie could never be more right, as Mr. Carlisle seemed to be extremely happy with the result of the event. He even took the time to sail gracefully down the zip line into a crowd of adoring fans.

Fox showers guests from his crotch.

While a handful of critics claimed that with all of the attractions, the Carlisle Estates more closely resembled Neverland Ranch than a respected Southside façade, the party raged on, and the guests themselves were highly pleased. B.L. Caldwell was so gratified that he celebrated by almost ramming his car into a fire hydrant. Michael C. Fox, II displayed his fulfillment by throwing his iPod accessible cooler onto the street from a moving SUV. All in all, it must be clearly recognized that Carlisle’s festivity was a highly successful affair.

Note: The Blue House Lives would like to thank Corey Mac for the awesome photographs presented in this piece. Corey has been one our biggest supporters since the publication’s founding. Thank you, Corey! We love you!