The game should have been enjoyable.

One night, many eons ago, a group gathered at The Blue House for an old-fashioned game of pong. This game was not ping-pong, arcade pong or even beer pong. What happened instead was a game that would forever live in infamy. The game was Franzia Pong, and it destroyed everyone in its path.

The evening started off benign enough. It was Friday, and friends of The House were devising things to do. Two of these friends, however, Jeff L. Horner and Corey Mac, drew up plans that were controversial from the get-go. Instead of playing beer pong, a classic pastime, the two decided to save money by replacing beer with Franzia. Those unfamiliar with Franzia must understand that it is the most gruesome of all boxed wines, and it proved no different to everyone that night.

The two men picked up a box of Sunset Blush and Chillable Red. The Downstairs was immediately transformed into a suitable venue, and the game was set up. “It sounded like fun,” one enthusiastic visitor said. People came from all corners of the globe to take part in what was promised to be the most innovative game since NBA Jam. Yet, innovation eventually became disgust as the players faded and the Franzia took over.

The Winner and Corey Mac try to make the best of it.

“I had a hangover before I ever got drunk,” Horner stated. “It may have been the worst idea we ever had.” As the game progressed, the rest of the party came to the same realization. “I’ve never felt anything like that,” one participant said. “My head felt like Lionelle and Ninja were fighting to the death inside.” There were no exceptions, the Franzia had sickened all.

Yet, The Blue House, in the jovial spirit, came through the debacle. In fact, the party turned out to be rather enjoyable, if not for the unbearable sickness that followed. The Winner of the World tried to make the best of it. “I had a blast early on,” he said. “I even entwined with Corey Mac for a romantic chug. Yet, as I drank more, I felt as if my days were numbered.” The Winner was known to be impervious to everything except coolers, so if the Franzia sickened him slightly, The House was definitely in for an epidemic.

Rule 541 was the result of the crisis. The rule states that Franzia is in no way allowed to enter The House, and if it does somehow gain approval, it must be supervised by a certified drinking professional. “That was the ultimate lesson learned,” Horner stated. “I’ll never drink the stuff again.”

Franzia Pong has since been banned.

In the end, the game produced no winners. As enjoyed as it may have been initially, the end result was the same: two huge punch to the bowels and head. The Blue House went back to beer pong indefinitely.

Bi-Lo provided an early adventure for future Blue House tenants.

Before The Blue House, two of its contributors, scooter and Man-Man, embarked on a series of adventures marked completely by their pointlessness. In 2002, the two went to Bi-Lo with two other companions, Fue and Amy, to turn off the automatic doors. This caused panic at the local grocer, for consumers could not enter or exit the store.

Recently, a documentary surfaced explaining this exploit. The Blue House Lives senior grocery correspondent stated, “Words alone cannot describe this piece. It must be witnessed to be fully believed.” Following our correspondent’s advice, we will let the work speak for itself.

Here is the video in its entirety:

Fox's victory ($34.53) has many furrowing their brows.

INGLES, MERCHANTS DRIVE – While the mainstream media provided extensive coverage of the ongoing elections in Afghanistan, the focus of most people’s attention was diverted by a much more intriguing contest. For centuries now, Michael C. Fox and Jeff L. Horner have gathered their loose change for an inevitable trek to the nearest Coinstar. This competition attracts considerable monthly attention. This month’s installment, however, has many in an uproar.

Normally, when the planet’s physics are in natural order, Horner prevails over Fox at the Coinstar machine. Yet, this month Fox celebrated victory. This victory immediately erupted in a firestorm of allegations, ranging from fraud to package packing. Jeff L. Horner said, “I definitely think something went awry here. And Fox definitely stuffs his pants.”

Fox, whose total was $34.53 compared to Horner’s $28.14, completely denies these accusations. “What you see is what you get,” he stated shortly after the controversy arose. Yet, those close to the event are not so sure. “When I originally saw the coins before the journey to Coinstar,” one observer said, “it appeared that Horner easily had more.”

Horner uses a plastic cup, while Fox totes a Crown Royal bag.

Coinstar rules clearly outline the rules regarding coin storage, and some believe that this rule is the main contributor to the controversy. The rules state that Horner must always carry his coins in a blue plastic cup while Fox must tote his in a Crown Royal bag. One loose change expert said, “It’s easy to think there are more coins in the cup than in the bag. It’s mostly an optical illusion like Chris Angel or something. It is very possible that Fox actually had more coins. Horner just appeared to have more.”

An investigation has opened to fully chronicle the secret goings-on of this most recent contest. As of yet, though, the investigation has failed to provide sufficient evidence to incriminate Mr. Fox. There are those, however, who believe that the investigation is inherently flawed.

“I’m wholly convinced,” Striker, who was extremely close to the proceedings, said, “that Fox robbed my car of change before the pilgrimage to Coinstar. In fact, I think he grabbed a handful from Jeff’s car as well.” Horner has yet to accuse Fox of stealing from his vehicle, but he is not denying the possibility. “Whether he pilfered change from my car, I am unsure,” he said. “Yet, I still believe that this investigation will turn something up. That I can promise.”

Despite the allegations, experts say that this competition will continue.

For now, however, Fox quietly celebrates his victory. He was observed recently eating a lavish dinner with his parents, and while they were unavailable for comment, it was clear that his parents showered him with adulation.

Horner, though, simply presses on and awaits the results of the investigation. The Blue House Lives senior Coinstar correspondent related, “This may never end. Next month, these two gladiators will be back at that machine battling for coinage control.” The Blue House Lives will tirelessly follow the investigation and present any breaks in the story to our loyal readers.

The Pool's existence was marked by felicity.

Last night, The Blue House Pool was drained in preparation for the “Blonde and Gone” benefit tomorrow night. While cameras were not allowed for the early ceremonies such as the slideshow and the flying of the doves, The Blue House Lives was granted access to the actual draining. What was witnessed was nothing short of doleful. Observers of the ceremony described it as “heartbreaking” and “tear-jerking.” Everyone should take time this weekend and observe a moment of silence in memory of The Pool.

Here is The Blue House Lives’s coverage of the event (a Peabody Award is definitely on the way):

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