I swore i wasn't looking at her breasts, but i just couldn't help it.....

BHL: Howdys, and welcome to our interview room. Please have a seat.

Swayze: Thank you for having me.

BHL: Of course. Before we get started, would you like a drink?

Swayze: Yes, that sounds wonderful. May I have a Crown and Dr. Pepper?

BHL: What was it like growing up a black child in a white body?

Swayze: I.. is.. that suppose to be a joke?

BHL: Well as far as I can figure, that’s the only way a white boy could dance so well and look cool while doing it.

Swayze: oh… ha ha… that’s good… you’re funny…..

BHL: I do try…..

Swayze: I can tell.

BHL: Thanks

Swayze: That wasn’t…. Could you make that drink a double?

BHL: So, Pat

Swayze: Don’t call me that.

BHL: Ok, sorry Patty.

Swayze: What are you doing? Who am I Sean Combs?

BHL: I don’t know? Are you trying to make a joke?

Swayze: No, my name is William Patrick Michael Johnson Jackson Swayze

BHL: Really?

Swayze: Of course not.

BHL: hehe, you got me…

Swayze: I’m Irish.

BHL: Really. I always thought you were……

Swayze: Dutch, no but my first twenty seven girlfriends were.

BHL: Twenty seven? That a high number.

Swayze: …. Well what are you suppose to do after you find love one summer and then lose her to a frat guy the next?

BHL: What do you mean?

Swayze: While filming “Dirty Dancing” Jennifer Grey’s character and I were suppose to fall in love. And when you spend that much time together, something starts to happen to you. The dancing, rehearsing, all the long nights. She just got in my head.

BHL: Don’t you mean in your heart?

Swayze: Yeah….. that’s a better way of putting it

BHL: Well I hate to hear about a lost love.

Swayze: There was nothing I could do except immerse myself in my work, so that’s what I did.

BHL: Well, I paid off…

Swayze: Luckily, yes.

BHL: How did your wife take it when you died?

Swayze: I’m not sure i…. oh, you’re talking about “Ghost” with Demi Moore. She was a lot of fun behind the scenes. On camera she had a wonderful presence.

BHL: Yep, and she’s a real looker.

Swayze: Yes, she is a very attractive woman…..

BHL: ….so, what do you think of her marrying Aston Kutcher?

Swayze: It’s none of my business or yours. If any person can find their soul mate then that makes for happiness, and that’s all that matters.

BHL: Thank you, I forget that personal politics are more important that personal preferences when it comes to media, and man

Swayze: That sounded like a mouthful…

BHL: hmm?….

Swayze: I was just noting all the alliteration in the previous sentence you spoke.

BHL: oh, kind of like “I’m a poet and didn’t know it?”

Swayze: Something like that.

BHL: sometimes I wish I could rhyme, I would do it all the time….

Swayze: yeah… I think your onto something there.

BHL: holy cow, im rhyming like crazy right now.

Swayze: yep, mhmm you’re a real Poe

BHL: sorry, I seriously can’t stop.

Swayze: oh no, I can see that.

BHL: ok, I think my involuntary mc’ing has passed. Sorry, shall we continue?

Swayze: Please, let’s.

BHL: So, I understand you had a photoshoot years ago with the BHL boys before they were “the BHL boys”.

Swayze: That’s true. They took me all around the city as my tour guide.

BHL: Have you seen the photos they have just recently re-released to the public?

(For those photo’s, click here. – staff)

Swayze: No, I haven’t seen any of the photos. I usually have seven of my groupies keep watch for knew and interesting topics and photos relating to me or that I might like.

BHL: Wow, why seven?

Swayze: Well, about the time I was becoming famous, the Disney cartoon “Sleeping Beauty” came out. It featured the “Seven Dwarves”. Since then I vowed to ban the use of the name “dwarves” and hired all seven of the actors who played the dwarves as my groupies.

BHL: uh…. But isn’t that a cartoon?

Swayze: Yes, and what kind of message is Disney sending to our youth. Now, my children are not allowed to watch any movie unless I give the ok first.

BHL: Why is that?

Swayze: I want to make sure they only see good acting and proper etiquette.

BHL: Oh, ok, well that makes sense.

Swayze: Thank you, I know, that’s why I thought of it.

BHL: Is there anything you would like to say before we allow your gracefulness to slip away forever?

Swayze: Yes, the tabloids recently have been reporting that I am dying.

BHL: Are you clarifying the reports or denying the statements?

Swayze: Hmm? I just want people to realize that these types of papers are “Gossip Columns” and should be read as such.

BHL: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us for and enticing interview.

Swayze: No, trouble. It was easier and less painful than week two at the Double Deuce.

We would like to thank Patrick Swayze for taking the time to sit down with us. We greatly appreciate it. A hope him a prolonged existence not only in film and television, but also in life.

We at BHL would like to point out that this interview was completely fictitious. We would be happy to sit down, record and have a legitimate interview with anyone willing. Mr. Obama and Mr. Ferguson are currently at the top of our wish list. Since neither one is responding to our letters currently, we shall have to try other means.

So, it turns out some of yous guys do actually still read. This shocking development blew our minds and made us (+=%$*1^)(*&U)(&/%&$). Our offer to give out interviews was accepted. The following is the transcript of that first conversation. Any questions that are not answered or do not make sense, we apologize. If it really matters, we wouldn’t publish it.

this is the best photo we could get since we weren't allowed....

 BHL: Howdys Miss Caldwell.

Turtle: hey          

BHL: It’s lovely to see you. We realize you are bi-coastal. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule for an interview.

Turtle: well its an honor

BHL: We understand you graduated the University of Tennessee with honors.

Turtle: that is true

BHL: What was your major and why did you choose it?

Turtle: Microbiology-  I enjoy the wow factor

BHL: Is It true that you almost dropped out of college to pursue a modeling/acting career?

Turtle: that would be myth- I multi-task

BHL: What did you try out for? What did you get?

Turtle: tried out for cheerleading, made it; tried out for soccer team, made it; tried out for volleyball, made it

BHL: Would you consider yourself more of a private person, or a social butterfly?

Turtle: I’m a hybrid

BHL: Are we to understand that you are trying an internet based domination to rival the attempts we are putting forth?

Turtle: No..????

BHL: Did you ever feel mistreated or underappreciated in your job/home?

Turtle: I think every employee is mistreated-

BHL: Did you know that there is a book store in the Lincoln Memorial? We just recently found out….

Turtle: no there’s not…

BHL: Have you ever given Lincoln a lap dance in the Memorial? Cause we sure have and he’s a giver….

Turtle: no but I did give him a nose job

BHL: We understand there are a lot of sexual predators in D.C., do you have any comments or knowledge of this?

Turtle: is that a trick question?

BHL: Of course not, be hold the highest of standards and would never stoop so low as to make an inappropriate pun, joke, or insinuation.

BHL: We at BHL have been hearing rumors of the Obama Madness that is in constant motion up north.

Turtle: I’d say my favorite is fried okra, bacon, chocolate mousse, caviar etc.

BHL: Is it true that they are now selling “Obama Condoms – Guaranteed to please you socially”?

And  “Obama Condoms – for the man that delivers his promises!”

Turtle:  I’ve heard the rumors but there is still social unrest amongst the Obama nation

BHL: So are you implying that the Obama nation is or isn’t sleeping around?

Turtle: …. I…

BHL: Actually, don’t answer that….

BHL: Speaking of….What do you think of our 44^th President?

Turtle: the arsenics has oddly shaped feet. 

BHL: Hmmm…. That’s interesting stuff we have been getting from you.

Now it’s your turn to ask us some questions.

Here are our predetermined answers.

What you ask is totally up to you.

But PLEASE remember that while only one of us may write this, many of us shall read it.

You can make it a completely serious interview, or a wildly imaginative and confused one.

(Our answers come and then your questions) – just in case you can’t figure out the order…..

Ask away…

BHL: 42

Turtle: in your opinion, is my butt big?

BHL: i don’t know, no, well, yes, but not really….. (thanks for that…..what the hell are you thinking?)

Turtle:  how is bedroom basketball transforming the way we view socialized healthcare today?

BHL: currently we are working on many projects of which I am permitted to speak, even less than I already have, about.

Turtle: what is BHL’S stance on abortion?

BHL: The rights to Octo-mom being bought by Disney….

Turtle: is Dannielynn really your biological daughter?

BHL: I have no idea…..

Turtle: if you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself?

BHL: Sorry that’s too personal

Turtle: explain your relationship with Anna Nicole Smith?

BHL: My friend, if you could call this person that…. But why would you talk about someone so boring and dead. Let’s talk about Megan Fox….

Turtle: Let’s not, she’s a friend of mine.

Turtle: would you say your work in Vietnam feeding malnourished children was the most rewarding experience to date?

BHL: yes, we but we don’t consider it real work.

Turtle: in your opinion, what is the real cause of Michael Jackson’s death?

BHL: I would have to say that procrastination and introvertness are the causes

Turtle:  you have my permission to alter my interview is any way you might find most beneficial to BHL.

BHL: Thank You. Let’s hope that’s not necessary.

BHL: Is there anything you would like to say in closing.

Turtle: Yes, I’m having a party August 7th. Look for your invitation and please RVSP

Well it looks like BHL has worn itself out again. (Not really –)

We would like to thank Courtney Caldwell for this week’s interview.

From all of us to all of us,

G’night…

BHL will be happy to acknowledge and perform countless other interviews.

Just give us a little time to prepare ourselves.

Lovingly yours,

BHL

P.S. Please return the completed (as much or more than you received) interview to:

TheBlueHouse@bluehouselives.com

OH...Bones... you are so awesome.....

Recently, The Blue House Lives caught up with a House legend, Bones. The following is a transcript from that historic interview.

BHL: so…. Bones… may I still call you that? Or would that be a faux pas, now?

BONES: Paux fas… (giggle) Everyone I know calls me Bones, but lets keep it professional here… call me Mr. May.

BHL: uh… oh k…  (sarcastically) Mr. May….. so let’s start with a basic question.

MR. MAY: that’s not a question…..

BHL: (blank stare)  so, I understand you are in a time crunch. Thanks for sitting down with us for a moment. Where and when were you born?

MR. MAY: Tar Heels! WOOT! WOOT! I’m a Tar Heel through and through baby. I was born in N.C. on my birthday.

BHL: What do you think about the Tar Heel’s winning the national championship last year?

MR. MAY: What? They did? That’s incredible! This may be the greatest day of my life!

BHL: (Muttering) nice life…..(rolling eyes), (cough…. Cough…..) Excuse me….We heard a couple rumors recently, (cough……. cough….) is there anything you wish to say before I ask another question?

MR. MAY: Nah, but I’m sure what ever you heard I can clarify.

BHL: We heard you were one hell of an athlete…..

MR. MAY: Oh, that…. I…I am. I work out every other day.

BHL: What gym do you go to?

MR. MAY: I occasionally go the Rush. But I usually just work out at home. I also drink plenty of water… in fact my doctor told me that I was drinking three times too much water for my body and that I had to start drinking something else everyone now and then. Too much water… (chuckle) that’s how I know I’m being healthy.

BHL: I have one last question if you don’t mind….

MR. MAY: nope… shoot

BHL: Where are you?

MR. MAY: I’m only in your mind…..

(This interview was completely fictitious, and although I and bones really do know each other, my colleagues and I agreed that there is no way he would consent to an interview.)

If you would like to take part in real interview, please email us at thebluehouse@bluehouselives.com, and we will try and set it up.