Many students left vulgar messages on Pellissippi's screensavers.

THE HOUSE – In exhausting efforts to find a new computer tech, Blue House recruiters have compiled a list of potential replacements for M.C Fox’s old position. “Well, our first consideration for the job is obviously The Winner of the World, but getting him isn’t going to be a piece of cake,” recruiter Jeff L. Horner commented at a press conference. “We are really cutting it close here,” fellow recruiter Nichole stated. “Classes start soon and no one wants to take on the task of installing all those computers in such short time.”

Few observers have received the opportunity to peer into Fox’s work place. His office has been described as “the Wonka Chocolate Factory of computers.” Fox is said to have a wall of monitors surrounding his desk and little G.I Joes guarding all his equipment. Other techs at Pellissippi State say that Fox is the only man capable of tackling the work load.

Jeff L. Horner warns that “if The Winner declines our offer, then our other options would be Dhizzy or Cory Mac. Fox is nearly irreplaceable, so our new tech has to be above average, at least.” As Fox’s departure nears, more and more anti-Fox propaganda can be seen throughout Pellissippi’s campus. Computers at the school are widely sporting anti-Fox screen savers. It is clear that Fox has burned his bridges here in Tennessee. We can only hope that The Blue House recruiters can find a new computer tech in time.

The game should have been enjoyable.

One night, many eons ago, a group gathered at The Blue House for an old-fashioned game of pong. This game was not ping-pong, arcade pong or even beer pong. What happened instead was a game that would forever live in infamy. The game was Franzia Pong, and it destroyed everyone in its path.

The evening started off benign enough. It was Friday, and friends of The House were devising things to do. Two of these friends, however, Jeff L. Horner and Corey Mac, drew up plans that were controversial from the get-go. Instead of playing beer pong, a classic pastime, the two decided to save money by replacing beer with Franzia. Those unfamiliar with Franzia must understand that it is the most gruesome of all boxed wines, and it proved no different to everyone that night.

The two men picked up a box of Sunset Blush and Chillable Red. The Downstairs was immediately transformed into a suitable venue, and the game was set up. “It sounded like fun,” one enthusiastic visitor said. People came from all corners of the globe to take part in what was promised to be the most innovative game since NBA Jam. Yet, innovation eventually became disgust as the players faded and the Franzia took over.

The Winner and Corey Mac try to make the best of it.

“I had a hangover before I ever got drunk,” Horner stated. “It may have been the worst idea we ever had.” As the game progressed, the rest of the party came to the same realization. “I’ve never felt anything like that,” one participant said. “My head felt like Lionelle and Ninja were fighting to the death inside.” There were no exceptions, the Franzia had sickened all.

Yet, The Blue House, in the jovial spirit, came through the debacle. In fact, the party turned out to be rather enjoyable, if not for the unbearable sickness that followed. The Winner of the World tried to make the best of it. “I had a blast early on,” he said. “I even entwined with Corey Mac for a romantic chug. Yet, as I drank more, I felt as if my days were numbered.” The Winner was known to be impervious to everything except coolers, so if the Franzia sickened him slightly, The House was definitely in for an epidemic.

Rule 541 was the result of the crisis. The rule states that Franzia is in no way allowed to enter The House, and if it does somehow gain approval, it must be supervised by a certified drinking professional. “That was the ultimate lesson learned,” Horner stated. “I’ll never drink the stuff again.”

Franzia Pong has since been banned.

In the end, the game produced no winners. As enjoyed as it may have been initially, the end result was the same: two huge punch to the bowels and head. The Blue House went back to beer pong indefinitely.

Fox poses with the heavy artillery.

AMAZON.COM – The Blue House Lives has learned that Michael C. Fox, II has officially recommenced hostilities in the Amazon War. The action performed was use the of a $25 Reward Certificate that Fox received through the continual application of his Amazon credit card. “This is a surprise attack on Striker,” The Blue House Lives sophomore Amazon correspondent stated. Striker, however, has yet to respond to Fox’s unprovoked maneuver. Only time will tell if he does.

In a war that was deemed dormant by many and dead by some, diplomatic relations took a nosedive. This hostile attitude is attributed mainly to Corey Mac, the graphic designer who has lately agitated the open wounds between Fox and Striker. Corey Mac bragged to Fox and Striker that he was an Amazon Prime member, and therefore, a far superior candidate for Amazon domination. One Amazon War historian related, “He (Corey Mac) is the proverbial fly in the ointment. He should have known that his incessant remarks would enkindle the dying fire between Striker and Fox.”

The Reward Certificate was Pearl Harbor to Striker.

Fox, however, refuted Corey Mac’s claim to supremacy. “Prime membership sucks,” he said. “I was a Prime member, but I dropped it. I think Striker was too. He said it sucks.” Considering Striker and Fox have never shared communal feelings, their common hatred for Corey’s boasting may eventually ally them. Although, most experts agree, Fox’s Reward Certificate offensive was directed primarily at Striker.

“Fox knows Striker to be a formable foe,” The Blue House Lives freshman war analyst speculated. “Corey Mac, however, has not been battered by this war. Fox is probably not dragging him into it because he fears that Corey is not man-man enough. It’s like a brother protecting his little sister.” The Blue House Lives must inform the reading public, however, that DNA testing has officially revealed that Corey Mac is not Fox’s little sister.

The ball now seems to be in Striker’s court, though, and the world awaits his next move. It is also uncertain whether Corey Mac will enter this war and create a new theatre of operations.

Fox draws first blood in this renewed war.

One expert reported on Corey Mac: “It is really unknown whether he has the resources to enter this conflict. Yet, he must not be underestimated. If he enters, he will be a minor underdog. He will likely be similar to the United States in the Mexican War. Many thought they were simply outmanned, but they pulled it off beautifully. Corey Mac is more than a fly in the ointment. He’s a potential killer bee in the ointment.”

The only thing that is known with certainty now is that, once again, this war is hot. While it is wholly agreed that Fox meant the attack for Striker, he currently glares askance at Corey Mac. Could this conflict expand into a three-party war? If it does, The Blue House Lives will be there.

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