Smokies' alcohol abuse can be easily seen through her chain-smoking.

APPALACHIA – The once proud and prominent Smoky Mountains has recently scheduled for a press release concerning nude photographs circulating the internet. The Smokies admitted earlier to allowing amateur photographers to take pictures of her bare-leafed and all. Judges for the Miss Mountain Pageant are discussing disqualification, claiming that “Our Miss Mountain should be dignified, poised, and display integrity and self respect. This mountain has shown no such traits…although as beautiful as she may be, she doesn’t need to take her leaves off to prove it.”

Information regarding the incident has lead investigators to believe that this isn’t the first time she’s pulled this stunt. The photographs found have chronicled this lewd conduct as a reoccurring action. The Smokies’ representative is prepared to defend her honor to the full extent, as difficult as that seems with all the incriminating evidence popping up left and right, with every click of the mouse. Her representative claims that “The Smokies is embarrassed and ashamed, but has a real problem she’s dealing with.”

It was reported that after she was photographed nude earlier this week, she checked herself into rehab, in hopes of running through a good, clean 12-step program. Her family and friends have great concern over her alcohol abuse. They said that they can tell when she’s been hitting the bottles the hardest, because she’ll smoke like a chimney; hence the nickname.

Lewd photographs of Smokies' leafless trees can be found circulating the internet.

But the real uncertainty here is pride and reputation. If The Smokies can’t represent Tennessee and North Carolina for the Miss Mountain Pageant, then who will? Unlike in the Great Northwest, where they have multiple mountains running for the slot, Eastern North America only has the Appalachians, which is shared with 17 states and partly claimed by Canada. To solve the matter at hand, officials have broken the mountain range into various sub-mountainous regions.

Unfortunately for the Southeastern states, hills and plateaus do not meet qualifications for the title of Miss Mountain. “I think evergreen-bearing mountains just have more morals” explained another panelist. Whatever the case, hopefully the Smokies can convince the judges to allow her to continue running for the title, or otherwise be disqualified for her indecency and vulgar behavior.