An early morning image of the snow that buried the House over the weekend.

BLUE HOUSE — As snow pummeled the East Coast this weekend, the Subaru SVX, with its touted all-wheel drive system, sat quietly in the garage. The vehicle had once been praised for its winter weather versatility, but following this weekend’s storm, many experts believe that it may be all hype.

M.C. Fox still stands as the number-one promoter of the SVX. “It could handle the snow and ice,” he said. “It just hasn’t had its chance.”

That chance came this weekend, as the second snowstorm of the season pounded the Blue House and the surrounding cityscape. And yet, the car remained stationary, its mythic speculations frozen to mere delusions.

The SVX found its way to Fox earlier in the year, and since its introduction, conjectures regarding its all-wheel drive system have led to many myths concerning the vehicle’s ability. It was once thought that is could blaze through sabulous deserts and cruise over frigid glaciers. It was even once contemplated whether the car could rove on the moon. But those beliefs are now questioned to say the least. Being a no-show for not one but two snowstorms has diminished the car’s reputation.

“No one doubts that it’s a rare car and should be treasured,” Jeff L. Horner, House resident, said, “but we now have to question whether it is simply a showpiece and nothing more.”

M.C. Fox, however, is as implacable as ever. “She could drive in the snow,” he said. “It was Christmas, though. Why would she want to get out of the warm garage on Christmas? She should have eaten turkey and opened presents is what she should have done. I have no doubts that she could handle the snow. Besides, she’s white, and snow is white, which means they were made for each other.”

Colors aside, the fact remains: the snow is melting, and the SVX remains idle. “It better do something,” Horner said. “Speculations can only go so far. Sometimes, a little action is warranted, and so far, I’ve seen nothing.”

Did Thomas Jefferson get his inspiration for Monticello from the Blue House?

UNDERGROUND CONFERENCE CHAMBER, Blue House – Did Thomas Jefferson steal the Blue House’s design with his creation of Monticello? That is the question that top researchers are asking as they gather for a weekend conference in which the origins of the Blue House will be discussed. It has already been confirmed that the two residences’ possess an arcane resemble to one another. “It’s a question of age actually,” Samuel P. Westernshire, IV, said. “Don’t get me wrong, Monticello is an amazing structure. But so is the Blue House. Whichever house is older is the house that wins the debate.”

Many experts believe that the original idea from Monticello sprung from Jefferson’s mind when he was a mere child in the 1740s and 1750s. He promised his childhood friend Dabney Carr that he would one day build a house on the hill that they consistently explored and played upon. That hill became Monticello, which in Italian translates as “Little Mountain.” Monticello, closer its current (ever unfinished) form, was begun in 1772.

The origin of the Blue House is much more ambiguous, however. Last year, when assumingly ancient wall drawings were discovered in The Study, researchers took a new perspective on the House’s age. “Those drawings brought up the idea that the House could be thousands of years old,” Salmon Corduroy, one such researcher, stated. Others have placed the House’s origins sometime after the fall of the Western Roman Empire. This era is considered as a possibility based on the discovery of sixth century Latin blueprints that bear an uncanny resemblance to the House. Some researchers have even speculated that the Blue House is much younger, with its roots springing from the 1960s.

This drawing from The Study's wall sparked much debate as to the origin of the Blue House.

The fact remains, however, that an undeniable similarity exists between Monticello and the Blue House. That similarity will be a major focus point at this weekend’s conference.

Other topics open for debate will include the House’s role in the American Revolution, the Nullification Crisis of 1830s and the American Civil War. It will also be examined whether Ponce de León’s quest for the legendary Fountain of Youth was actually a search for the House’s heralded septic system. These historical debates and others will surely galvanize the record crowd expected at the conference.

A full report on the fledgling Blue House Baseball League is expected this weekend.

In a matter of days, the Blue House Sports Network has learned that a major announcement is due regarding a new baseball league operated by The Blue House. It appears that once again The Blue House is poised to change the focus of the planet. So far, the details of the league are sketchy at best, but BHSN has learned that it will most likely consist of twelve teams from all across the country. Several Blue House residents and close friends have stepped forward to claim ownership of the various franchises. The exact record of how this league came to exist still remains a mystery. One sports critic stated this morning, “If The Blue House can launch a satellite into space (which it did), then forming a professional sports league should not be a problem. One now has to wonder how Major League Baseball executives are reacting to this stunning announcement.”

Officials close to The House report that a full dossier concerning the league, its teams and operation is to be released this weekend. The Blue House Lives will have full coverage of the release including a full layout and description of Blue House Baseball’s teams.

This report was brought to you by : The Housewide Leader in Sports.

This Christmas Card was created following the party is a testament to the holiday joy present at the event.

THE BLUE HOUSE – On Saturday night, friends of The Blue House gathered for the annual Christmas Party. After a night of festive joy and goodwill toward one another, critics deemed the party a great success and lauded The House on its yuletide spirit. “The party was a true blessing,” one critic stated. “They seemed to know exactly what I wanted for Christmas: a jubilant time.”

The party started with a food line prepared by Nichole and M.C. Fox. Nichole’s fried donut balls were a big hit, but it was Fox’s sausage balls that stole the show. “I know he labored hard on them,” one satisfied guest said. “You could really tell. They were amazing.” It was later revealed that Fox did labor hard on the sausage balls by preheating the oven and taking them out of the box.

The highlight of the event, however, was the much-praised White Elephant Christmas Game. Guests were observed early in the night circling the tree in anticipation of the myriad gifts, and when the game began, it was immediately realized that those in attendance had been extremely thoughtful with their gift selections.

The Winner of the World unwrapped a gargantuan bag of play balls and then proceeded to spread them throughout M.C. Fox’s bedroom. Corey Mac celebrated as he went home with a pair of pink boxing gloves. Ricky/FIN was thrilled to open a bag of old doorknobs. It was perhaps Kevin, however, that ended up with the most cherished gift of all, as he claimed a 750 ml bottle of cinnamon schnapps. The schnapps was then consumed by a ravenous pack of alcoholic persons later in the night.

After a large dose of hot wings and few warming drinks, the congregation at The Blue House bid holiday farewells to one another. M.C. Fox and Scooter’s brother ceremoniously removed a symbolic birdhouse from The Porch. It was a night to remember and one that will not soon be forgotten.

The tree's completion signals the beginning of the holiday season.

THE BLUE HOUSE – It is official. The Blue House Christmas tree has been erected. Its completion symbolizes the ignition of holiday frenzy within The Blue House. For the past few years, The House has become the pinnacle of Christmas festivities in the nation, and perhaps, the world. Santa Claus himself was quoted recently by stating, “If the North Pole ever shut down, I would set up shop in The Blue House.” Santa also went on to say that labor is much cheaper at the North Pole, however, and The Blue House tax code is a little too complex for him.

The revelry begins immediately after Thanksgiving and trundles on straight to New Year’s Day. “It is nothing other than complete rejoicing,” The Blue House Lives analog holiday correspondent said. “Every morning one can feel the levity in The House.” It has been reported that people will arrive from twenty-two different countries to take part in the experience.

An apex of the season has to be the Blue House Christmas Party, which has become a staple of worldwide celebration. The brouhaha has already been brewing around the Southeast, for the party usually includes the “Blue” Elephant Game and a cornucopia of holiday inspired cuisine. One of last year’s attendees, Jeff L. Horner related, “The food was magical. The eggnog had me so drunk and sick at my stomach that I hurled up an entire Yule log. It is an experience that I never will forget.”

Other holiday events include The Blue House’s Elite gift exchange. This exchange is where The House’s residents and closest companions gather and spread their own blue-blooded version of Christmas cheer. This gradually building celebration stretches finally to The House’s New Year’s celebration. One holiday critic recently said, “The Blue House is slated to deliver the goods once again this December. I only hope the world steps in and appreciates their mirth and goodwill.”

Home Alone and Home Alone 2 kicked off an entire month of Yuletide-inspired films.

The holiday jollity was kicked off two nights ago with the showing of Home Alone in the East Wing. Last night, the residents enjoyed the highly-praised sequel, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. When asked what was to come, M.C. Fox, well-renowned virtuoso, said, “The Polar Express and (National Lampoon’s) Christmas Vacation are loaded up and ready.” This December, once again, promises to be an unforgettable winter escapade at The Blue House.

Corey grills up the love with spatula and water bottle.

On Saturday evening, Corey McPherson and his domestic partner Shauna Margetson delivered a cookout that rivaled any gala of the summer. Corey was observed early in the evening grilling myriad delicacies such as hot dogs and hamburgers. He performed it all alone save for a trusty bottle of water to shoot down splintery flames. “He’s quite a man,” one attendee said. “He’s like Big John in that song about that guy who died in a mine, except for the fact that he’s not a miner but a designer. Hey, that rhymes. So, I guess the simile works.”

While Corey served up the grub, Shauna entertained by displaying her unique dancing ability. She pranced through the hardwood living room with pigtails flying. The Blue House Lives junior dance correspondent related, “She flew through the air like an intoxicated swan. It was glorious.” In fact, the dancing was so spectacular that one might have thought she was trained by Baryshnikov or Nijinsky.

As Shauna waltzed around, the other attendees crammed their mouths with the delicious food. The Blue House Lives fatty food correspondent said, “The food was typical cookout fare, but very good, nonetheless.”

Aside from the food, guests inebriated themselves on an intriguing assortment of beverages provided by the guests themselves. Jeff L. Horner, one of the guests, said, “My beer was good. I guess everyone’s was. Bring your own beer suited the cookout perfectly.”

It was outside, however, on the dimly lit sidewalk, that the real action took place. Before igniting the grill, Corey had personally constructed a state-of-the-art cornhole arena. The Blue House Lives senior sports correspondent said, “This event was where the heroes were made and the posers destroyed.”

With regard to heroes, it only seemed fitting that The Winner of the World continued his winning streak at parties. Following his glorious return from a cooler injury to win The Blue House Beer Pong Championship, The Winner strutted around the cornhole arena like a king in his castled realm. It seemed as if every toss of the beanbag had the blessing of fate tattooed upon it. He blew through formidable competition that included Scooter and Striker.

The cookout was a gathering of warmth and gaiety.

It was only when Corey Mac himself sauntered onto the sidewalk that The Winner faced a significant challenge. Corey Mac had impressed the crowd earlier with his hitman-esque accuracy and amiable spirit. “The fans love him,” one spectator said. “He’s damn near a working class hero.”

Corey and The Winner battled into the night, and it appeared that even the moon stopped its orbit to observe the competition. Following extra period after extra period, The Winner finally prevailed 16-14. It was perhaps his most glorious moment. Experts say, however, that this could be the beginning of a rivalry that may make the Yankees and Red Sox look like gossipy teenagers.

All in all, the cookout proved to be a considerable success, as old friends mingled and felt the warmth of each other’s presences. One can only hope that Corey and Shauna will hold such a festivity again in the future. If so, The Blue House Lives will definitely be in attendance.

NOTE: All of the photography credit in this article goes to Corey McPherson and Shauna Margetson. Catch more incredible photographs on Corey’s Website.

So, it turns out some of yous guys do actually still read. This shocking development blew our minds and made us (+=%$*1^)(*&U)(&/%&$). Our offer to give out interviews was accepted. The following is the transcript of that first conversation. Any questions that are not answered or do not make sense, we apologize. If it really matters, we wouldn’t publish it.

this is the best photo we could get since we weren't allowed....

 BHL: Howdys Miss Caldwell.

Turtle: hey          

BHL: It’s lovely to see you. We realize you are bi-coastal. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule for an interview.

Turtle: well its an honor

BHL: We understand you graduated the University of Tennessee with honors.

Turtle: that is true

BHL: What was your major and why did you choose it?

Turtle: Microbiology-  I enjoy the wow factor

BHL: Is It true that you almost dropped out of college to pursue a modeling/acting career?

Turtle: that would be myth- I multi-task

BHL: What did you try out for? What did you get?

Turtle: tried out for cheerleading, made it; tried out for soccer team, made it; tried out for volleyball, made it

BHL: Would you consider yourself more of a private person, or a social butterfly?

Turtle: I’m a hybrid

BHL: Are we to understand that you are trying an internet based domination to rival the attempts we are putting forth?

Turtle: No..????

BHL: Did you ever feel mistreated or underappreciated in your job/home?

Turtle: I think every employee is mistreated-

BHL: Did you know that there is a book store in the Lincoln Memorial? We just recently found out….

Turtle: no there’s not…

BHL: Have you ever given Lincoln a lap dance in the Memorial? Cause we sure have and he’s a giver….

Turtle: no but I did give him a nose job

BHL: We understand there are a lot of sexual predators in D.C., do you have any comments or knowledge of this?

Turtle: is that a trick question?

BHL: Of course not, be hold the highest of standards and would never stoop so low as to make an inappropriate pun, joke, or insinuation.

BHL: We at BHL have been hearing rumors of the Obama Madness that is in constant motion up north.

Turtle: I’d say my favorite is fried okra, bacon, chocolate mousse, caviar etc.

BHL: Is it true that they are now selling “Obama Condoms – Guaranteed to please you socially”?

And  “Obama Condoms – for the man that delivers his promises!”

Turtle:  I’ve heard the rumors but there is still social unrest amongst the Obama nation

BHL: So are you implying that the Obama nation is or isn’t sleeping around?

Turtle: …. I…

BHL: Actually, don’t answer that….

BHL: Speaking of….What do you think of our 44^th President?

Turtle: the arsenics has oddly shaped feet. 

BHL: Hmmm…. That’s interesting stuff we have been getting from you.

Now it’s your turn to ask us some questions.

Here are our predetermined answers.

What you ask is totally up to you.

But PLEASE remember that while only one of us may write this, many of us shall read it.

You can make it a completely serious interview, or a wildly imaginative and confused one.

(Our answers come and then your questions) – just in case you can’t figure out the order…..

Ask away…

BHL: 42

Turtle: in your opinion, is my butt big?

BHL: i don’t know, no, well, yes, but not really….. (thanks for that…..what the hell are you thinking?)

Turtle:  how is bedroom basketball transforming the way we view socialized healthcare today?

BHL: currently we are working on many projects of which I am permitted to speak, even less than I already have, about.

Turtle: what is BHL’S stance on abortion?

BHL: The rights to Octo-mom being bought by Disney….

Turtle: is Dannielynn really your biological daughter?

BHL: I have no idea…..

Turtle: if you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself?

BHL: Sorry that’s too personal

Turtle: explain your relationship with Anna Nicole Smith?

BHL: My friend, if you could call this person that…. But why would you talk about someone so boring and dead. Let’s talk about Megan Fox….

Turtle: Let’s not, she’s a friend of mine.

Turtle: would you say your work in Vietnam feeding malnourished children was the most rewarding experience to date?

BHL: yes, we but we don’t consider it real work.

Turtle: in your opinion, what is the real cause of Michael Jackson’s death?

BHL: I would have to say that procrastination and introvertness are the causes

Turtle:  you have my permission to alter my interview is any way you might find most beneficial to BHL.

BHL: Thank You. Let’s hope that’s not necessary.

BHL: Is there anything you would like to say in closing.

Turtle: Yes, I’m having a party August 7th. Look for your invitation and please RVSP

Well it looks like BHL has worn itself out again. (Not really –)

We would like to thank Courtney Caldwell for this week’s interview.

From all of us to all of us,

G’night…

BHL will be happy to acknowledge and perform countless other interviews.

Just give us a little time to prepare ourselves.

Lovingly yours,

BHL

P.S. Please return the completed (as much or more than you received) interview to:

TheBlueHouse@bluehouselives.com