October 2, 2009

What is the best chance for the Washington Huskies to not suck?

Impossible. It’s so sad.

October 1, 2009

What’s purple and gold and sucks all over?

The Washington Huskies.

September 28, 2009

What do you call a group of rabbis filled with Vitamin C?

Orange Jews.

September 3, 2009

What has Pluto been doing since its demotion?

Running around in circles.

September 2, 2009

What did they call the retiring film director?

Quittin’ Tarantino 

August 28, 2009

What did Ludacris say to the farm animals?

Moo bitch, get out the way!

August 27, 2009

What did you say to me?

August 26, 2009 & August 25, 2009

We apologize since, Jokee McJokerton had to take a vacation from his strenuous job.

August 24, 2009

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

I am…

I am who?

If you don’t know who you are then how can I?

August 23, 2009

A contractor is contracted to build a farm when she is struck by another blond driving a tractor.

“Sorry, according to my contract there can only one three con-tracts a day….

and i just got back from the doctor….”

August 22, 2009

A vampire walks into a strip club just after dusk….

Do you guys have any dark meat? All i see is fat, white meat, and trash.

August 21, 2009

A hydrophobic salmon jumps out of the water to appease its conscience only to realize it has made a grave error.

A bear, standing nearby, explains how he couldn’t be….

Thanks Mr. Bear, i owe you my life…

Yes you do, yes you do.

August 20, 2009

Three blind mice are running around a house.

The first mouse smelling the cheese runs towards it. SNAP!

The second mouse smelling the cheese runs towards it also, but upon hearing the snap, stops and gets stuck in the glue trap.

The third mouse just gives a devious smile as he makes off with the cheese…..

August 19, 2009

A girl with short term amnesia is shocked to find that when she goes to sleep , she wakes up with a different guy every day.

The guys are shocked when they realizes that all the multiple personalities still end up sleeping with a fat chick…

August 18, 2009

Batman apprehended the Joker for the third time this week. After nearly seventy years he finally asks him the one question everyone is thinking. “Why do you continue along the same course… every….. single…. day?”

“Why Batman, what kind of joker would i be if i were to succeed? Would you stop paying me to play your little games? What, are you planning to do, start spending your money towards saving the world from… oh i don’t know…. Global warming, AIDS, Wiggerism (a BHL trademark), or the American’s fat asses ?”

August 17, 2009

The joke writer walk up to the editor and asks…

Do i really need to come up with a joke every day? Couldn’t i just steal….

“NO!” the editor barks… “How dare you even think of admonishing the reputation I have toiled endlessly to build.”

August 16, 2009

What did the question mark say to the deutschmark?

A least your bloody period is over….

August 15, 2009

A boy turning into a man looks at his father and asks,

“what do i need to do to become a man?”

The father pauses, thinks for a moment then responds,

“You are to never be rude or show weakness around ladies or your elders, you are to always help others, and you provide for your family at all costs. Do you understand?”

“yes, i do, but what do you think i should do?”

August 14, 2009

The most hated person in the world walks into a room.

The crowd looks at him and each individual person comes up to him and says. “Hey, how you doing? Why don’t you come join us for a drink?”

“i can’t” he replies. “i’ve got a world to impress.”.

August 13, 2009

Jo’kee McJokerton is sleeping…please forgive us.

August 12 , 2009

Two apples and an orange are sitting in the waiting room.

A banana walks in.

We are here to preserve our skin. What are you here for Mr. Banana?

Banana walks to the fruits, sets down a cup and whispers, “I’m here to give away the white stuff.”

August 11, 2009

Two apples and an orange are sitting in the waiting room.

A banana walks in.

The doctor looks at his nurse and says “Oh no…. not again.

August 10, 2009

What did Orange say to Apple?

iHate you Pie Boys and all your “iStuffing”!

August 9, 2009

A God is trying to impress a lady,

He looks at her and says, You know, I created you…..

Yeah and I’m just not into you like that, but we can still be friends, right?

August 8, 2009

Two jews are sitting in a bar drinking.

Jew #1 says, “I’ll get the first round.”

He walks to the bar, orders, and comes back with four drinks.

Jew #2 says, “Thanks, but, i thought we were friends….”

Jew #1 gives him a blank look. “What do you mean?”

Jew #2 says, “You know we cant afford this…”

(if you were offended by this joke, thanks. that was part of the idea…. – author)

August 7, 2009

Two guys are sitting in a boat…

The first guy, being tired of the silence, begins to speak….

A boy, a child, and a man walk into a church…..

I’ve already heard this joke from you…

What do you mean? I’m about to make it up….

Why would you steal that joke?

What are you talking about?

BHL made up that joke a few days ago….

August 6, 2009

A thief walks into a bank…..

August 5, 2009

Women are like  cats, and men are dogs…..

or so we people like to believe.

In reality, it’s just the opposite.

Women are dogs and men are cat like.

Women are always trying to figure out what us cats are thinking and why we do things.

Us men know that to please a woman, they just need a bone every now and then.

August 4, 2009

A child, a boy, and a man, all walk into a church.

The child walks up, kneels down, asks forgiveness, and is immediately forgiven. Then he stands up and goes home.

The man walks up, kneels down, asks forgiveness, and is immediately given the knowledge to right his wrongs. Then he stands up and goes home.

The boy walk up, kneels down, asks forgiveness, and is immediately given a shock collar. The boy is dumbfounded. He asks the preacher why he was the only one to get the collar.

My boy, every man goes through phases where he needs more self control……

August 3, 2009

Knock, knock,

Who’s there?

Michael.

Michael, who?

Michael J.

Oh, aren’t you suppose to be dead?

No, but sometimes i wish i was.

August 2, 2009

Two blondes were sitting by a tanning bed trying to figure out what day it was.

The first blonde said ” It must be Wednesday because we only tan on even days.”

Then the second said, ” Yes and its 1400 hours am, silly. But I don’t know how that will help us figure out the what day it is.”

August 1, 2009

What did the nympho say to the clepto in jail?

I’m better than you.

July 31, 2009

What did the cougar say to the twenty year old?

Meow, you’re too old for me.

July 30, 2009

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad you’ re reading this.

July 29, 2009

A boy, an drunk, and a lady walk into the DMV.

The DMV attendant calls for the boy, asks him three questions, and gives him his license.

Next the DMV attendant calls for the drunk, asks him three questions, and gives him his license.

Now, it’s the lady’s turn, she walks up to the attendant expecting three questions.

“Sorry we are closing now”

“That’s not fair, i was here before boy and the drunk” the lady says.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, you wouldn’t have passed anyway.”

July 28, 2009

A dog, a cat, and a mouse walk into a bar.

The dog barks at the cat.

The cat hisses, then meows at the mouse.

The mouse doesn’t react.

A few minutes later….

The dog barks at the cat.

The cat hisses, then meows at the mouse.

The mouse doesn’t react.

A few hours later….

The dog barks at the cat.

The cat hisses, then meows at the mouse.

The mouse doesn’t react.

The the next morning….

The dog barks at the…….

“Shut the hell up Freud, I don’t have time for your mind games. Fuck the tab, just leave.”

July 27, 2009

…

July 26, 2009

What did the picture say to the word?

Don’t quit now, you’re only nine hundred and ninety-nine behind.

July 25, 2009

What did Don Clé say to the jerk at the bar?

It’s Jack, Ass

July 24, 2009

What did the Giraffe say to the pickle?

Hey, my name is Gherkin also…..

Thanks BHL