This sketch from the imfamous Dumb and Dumber trial in 1994 portrays Lloyd Christmas explaining "Touch Blue, Make it True".

BH LEGAL SERVICES, Blue House —Scooter finally accused Nickle of bending the rules too far. In order to end their squabble, The House legal department has sifted through all the unnecessary jargon to answer the one question that matters most: can one triple stamp a double stamp?

“You can’t triple stamp a double stamp! You can’t triple stamp a double stamp!” Scooter declared after Nickle attempted the triple stamp. This age-old dispute has become weathered by time, but this recent disagreement has brought it back anew. Most legal scholars remember the great debate of triple stamping from the famous 1994 case of Harry Dunn vs. Lloyd Christmas, or as the legal department refers to it, the Dumb and Dumber dispute. Blue House Legal Services (BHLS) recalls the verbal disagreement precisely, as shown here:

Lloyd: You’re it.
Harry: You’re it.
Lloyd: You’re it, quitsies!
Harry: Anti-quitsies, you’re it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
Lloyd: You can’t do that!
Harry: Can too!
Lloyd: Cannot, stamp it!
Harry: Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!
Lloyd: Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.
Harry: No, you can’t do that… you can’t triple stamp a double stamp, you can’t triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!

The statement in question is Lloyd’s claim to be able to “touch blue make it true.” But Harry’s prior double stamp followed by no erasies should have sealed the deal. So could Lloyd really triple stamp on a no erasies? Is touching blue enough to make it true? BHLS says no.

“Once no erasies is called, then it’s over, case closed,” Scooter’s lawyer, Irwin Fletcher (Fletch) stated.

No erasies, according to the law books, means that any statement made before then cannot be, well, erased. Therefore, the double stamp cannot be stamped upon because the value of the stamp cannot be trumped. For further verification, refer to the opening line in the argument regarding quitsies. Quities was not in question because both parties recognized the value of anti-quitsies. No erasies on the double stamp works the same way. Not to downplay the ability to touch blue make it true. Touching blue does make it true, but it still has to coincide with the previous call.

Most people know the rules of “shotgun” and “no-nose”. But is the world outside The Blue House ready for stamps?

“What about the rule of tap-tap? It’s a widely recognized seat-saving rule we use all the time on the West Coast!” Nickle argued.

“That’s not what the other lawyer said,” Frito Pendejo, Nickle’s court appointed lawyer replied. Puzzled by his response, Nickle further inquired the validity of her lawyer’s degree from the University of Wikipedia.

“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it myself. Luckily my Dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings.”

Fletch has insinuated that the case stands in a legal Grey area. But how Grey is it really?

“Charcoal,” said Fletch. “Every moron knows you can’t triple stamp a double stamp! I guess news travels slow on the West Coast,” Scooter told BHL.

“That raider of the lost fart can take his football and go home.” Nickle responded hostilely about Horner.

Scooter was thoroughly pleased following the court's decision granting him a victory and a spate of Santa Cokes.

After long hours of anticipation, the final verdict in the court ruling of Horner vs. Nickle, is that you cannot indeed triple stamp upon a double stamp. A man, or woman, subjected to unlawful triple stamping while aware of no erasies is entitled to pay $10,000 worth of Santa Cokes for compensation and court fees.

“It’s an obscure ruling, but a very important one” Fletch responded to the decision.

Horner joyously arose and collected his Santa Cokes while basking in his victory.

These ribbons have become the symbol of the "Support Washington" movement.

SEATTLE – The isolation of Washington State by a vast wall has stirred up a lot of controversy, extending beyond just the politics of the matter. The national Congress’s decision to build a wall surrounding the border of the state has proven to be a highly disputed topic in the West.

The Federal government has a long history of begrudging the great state of Washington. “The feds have been angry ever since our statehood in 1889. And we all know the real reason…” Washingtonian Tukwilla Lewis explains. “They want to go by Washington instead of D.C. It’s confusing having two well known Washingtons in one country. But let’s face it; they’re not even a state. They’re a district.”

The people of Washington had acknowledged the possibility of separating themselves from the nation and becoming autonomous, but that idea was quickly discarded after receiving countless letters of support against the erection of the Wall by Congress. Oregon Native Florence Coos wrote “On behalf of myself, the people of Oregon, and many other West Coast inhabitants, we feel it is our duty to unite against the tyranny of the Eastside of our once unified country and join our efforts to save the majestic state of Washington from architectural exile.”

Oregon, Idaho, Utah, and Northern California have sworn allegiance to Washington State and agree to work against the erection of the wall, by building their own walls following their most eastern borderlines. Southern California had decided to remain neutral due to certain suspensions. “The goal is to keep prejudices out and hopefully expand the mission to our neighboring states until we touch D.C itself,” Utah Governor G.R Herbert stated at a press conference.

“The West will not tolerate being alienated and sanctioned off.” This division has recently entered the sports community, with former Big-12 teams now leaving their conference to join the Pac-10 in support of the Washington movement. The University of Colorado’s Buffaloes pledged their allegiance just recently. Oklahoma, Oklahoma state, Nebraska, Texas, Texas A & M, and Texas Tech are all considering showing their support to the West Coast, making the Pac-10 more of a Pac-16.

This map shows the growing range of states supporting Washington. The darker colored states represent the already established support of the Pac 10 Conference. The lighter color states represent newly added supporters.

“Everyone should know by now not to mess with Texas, and Texas supports Washington all the way,” Texan Dallas Worth proclaimed. “We’ll take back the West if we have to.”

Recently in Vancouver, Canadians were seen proudly displaying pro-WA bumper stickers and support ribbons. Congress has yet to comment on the uprising.  With the talk of Canada getting involved, an international dilemma could be at hand and Congress is predicted to buckle, as usual, on the issue.

The wall is meant by the federal government to keep out Washingtonians, who were labeled as " simply undesirable."

OLYMPIA, WA – Following Arizona’s strict immigration legislation, some states were expected to follow suit and pass legislation of their own. Yet, no one expected what the national Congress called for yesterday: an impenetrable wall around the state of Washington.

Backlash was expected, and it came when state lawmakers gathered in Olympia yesterday to criticize the bill that describes Washingtonians as “simply undesirable.”

“We cannot allow a congress in that Washington,” declared state Congressman Jameson von Rainier, “to impose an unwarranted sanction on this Washington. If they want to build a wall keeping us out, then we will also build a wall to keep them out.”

Following his statement, the chamber erupted in applause, and the Speaker of the Washington State House scheduled a vote for later today.

The proposition on the table: Washington will construct a wall inside of the proposed national wall with the designation of keeping Americans out of Washington. This wall is slated to be identical to the one built by the United States government that aims to keep Washingtonians out of the U.S.

Senator Harry Reid of Nevada voiced support for the national wall. “These people (Washingtonians) have proven to be nothing but a menace since they were granted statehood in 1889,” he said. “Putting a wall around the state preserves the integrity of the surrounding states and, therefore, the nation as well.”

The standoff created by the two wall plans has many people rattled, including economists. “A wall around Washington State could be disastrous,” said Benito Spanwalgham, one the nation’s foremost economic theorists. “The Hacky Sack trade alone would suffer immensely.”

Spanwalgham refers to Washington’s number one export: foot bags. “If both walls are built,” he went on to say, “the nation’s hippie culture may be destroyed.”

Washington’s congress, however, intends to move forward. “We shall double our efforts,” Rainier said. “And, by doing so, we shall erect our wall long before that little boy’s club in D.C. erects theirs.”

The black lines represent the proposed wall to be built by the United States. The red line symbolizes Washington State's own wall against America.

Harry Reid retaliated against that claim however on MSNBC’s Hardball. “If they want to try to build a wall first,” he said, “let them. They are Washingtonians. I have said in the past that they are undesirable, and I stand by it. They aren’t even capable of erecting a wall, especially at a faster rate than the federal government.”

In what has become a tennis match of claims, Rainier struck back immediately during his morning radio address. “If anyone’s going to get an erection first,” he said, “it’s us.”

Reid has yet to issue a retort, but political pundits warn that he will not take this erection claim lightly.

Many around The House wondered whether this culinary action was an affront directed toward Nichole following the lasagna crisis from earlier in the week.

Leelee, however, dispelled these claims. “I just wanted to make brownies. The guys working on mine and Duncan’s new house installed new countertops today, and I wanted them to have a little snack. That’s what the brownies were for.”

This statement predicated a House-wide sigh of relief. “I think a war has definitely been avoided,” Jeff L. Horner, House correspondent stated. “Like I said earlier, with the Kitty Konflict going on, it is highly unlikely that this house could handle two wars at once.”

Panic erupted on Tuesday afternoon when it was discovered that Nichole and Leelee had both baked lavish lasagna dishes. The following confusion threatened to throw The House into chaos. “I didn’t know what to eat,” M.C. Fox said. “Two lasagnas is one too many.”

Experts experienced in Blue House politics predicted that a state of war was imminent. “Whether it would be declared or undeclared, the hostilities are real,” one noted expert remarked, “and war is most decidedly approaching.”

Leelee’s statement today, however, quelled the panic considerably. While Nichole has been unavailable for comment, sources close to her say that she is highly approving of the statement. “I think she’s calmed now,” one source described. “She didn’t want war any more than the rest of us.”

Nichole has showed no incentive to bake brownies of her own. “She knows that that would be a grave insult,” Jeff L. Horner said. “It would be nothing short of Pearl Harbor. Things have quieted down, and all humanity hopes it stays that way.”

“I sincerely hope not,” Jeff L. Horner, senior Kitchen correspondent stated early Wednesday. “It only seemed coincidental that the two made the same meal so close together. I don’t think it means war, though.”

Others, however, panicked and instantly became confused. One of these people was M.C. Fox, well-renowned virtuoso. “I didn’t know which lasagna to eat,” he said. “When Nichole told me that she’d made lasagna, I told her that it was stupid. Steph (Leelee) had already made lasagna, and I need something different to eat once in a while.”

War or not, Blue House analysts are already running scenarios. “It’s going to be a difficult place to live,” one such analyst predicted. “With the Kitty Konflict already waging, a new war raging in The Kitchen could be the straw that break The House’s back.”

And yet, for now, Nichole and Leelee have issued no comments, and The Kitchen remains relatively silent. The only sound permeating the air is the subtle trickle of the kitty water fountain from PetSmart. It will now be intriguing to see if Nichole and Leelee cook up the same dish again. If so, the War Hawks will most likely rear their ugly heads again.

Nichole's cleaning of The Kitchen has thrust her to the forefront of House politics.

THE KITCHEN – With all the political smoke blown, it seems that something is finally being accomplished. Over the past six months, officials and representatives have done nothing but bicker about specificities, and back-door deals have been cut at a rapid pace. But, finally, something has been done. The Blue House Kitchen is clean.

Who’s to blame for such an achievement?

“I hate to say it,” said Nichole, “but I have to take all the credit. I did some dishes, scrubbed the counter, and even swept the floor. You can start thanking me now.”

If true, this feat is yet another example of Nichole’s unyielding efforts to improve The House’s questionable living conditions. Her victory seemingly trumps politicos who debated and strategized and then said it couldn’t be done. And last year, as it is today, all attention centers on The Kitchen.

“Last year, there was a political points to be earned if you could tackle The Kitchen,” Jeff L. Horner, The Blue House Lives’s senior political analyst stated. “There was an upstart who failed (as they all do) and countless others, and yet, all one really needed to do was to roll up a sleeve and get to cleaning. That’s exactly what Nichole has done.”

So, now that The Kitchen problem has been reined in, what is next for The Blue House?

“Two words,” Horner said. “Immigration reform.” When probed further, Horner went on to explain that The Blue House has always been a quiet victim of immigration abuses. “Take the Couch Surfer,” he said, “he’s immigrated and emigrated and migrated several times. Who’s regulating this?”

Nichole's supporters see her as a symbol of hope, and they have taken to painting her likeness on walls across America.

Pundits now believe that The House might put forth a bipartisan effort to mollify these woes.

And yet, with her triumph in The Kitchen, one has to ask: what role will Nichole play?

“In a sense,” Horner said, “Nichole is a beneficiary of legal immigration, as she came from that desolation known as Washington State. She will definitely have some input.”

At the moment, Nichole has not commented on immigration policy. She seems wholly content to perch atop her hoard of political gold earn from single-handedly pacifying Kitchen problem. Her support, however, is exponentially growing, as fans have taken to painting her likeness throughout the country. “She is becoming a symbol of hope to many people associated with The House,” Horner said. “If the other residents want to get their support back, they are going to have to act quickly and decisively.”

Ninja delivered his State of The House address to a crowded Kitchen.

THE KITCHEN– The State of The House address was given recently by elected Kitty of the Year, Ninja, to a fully-packed House conference session. The speech was given on the floor of The Kitchen, where Ninja sat tall and erect on a stool at The Kitchen counter. As always, the presiding officer, Princess Sophia Banana-Hammock, also Ninja’s rumored mistress, sat directly behind him as he addressed The House’s current problems.

Among the topics Ninja covered in his speech were proposals for House deficit reduction, more importation of goods, and health care reform.  It has been said by many House members that Ninja’s love for chicken put The House under financially. His economic goals now circulate around cutting back spending to lower the deficit, so The House can continue to import more chicken.

Following the speech, Lionelle stood up to deliver the opposing response from the floor of The Kitchen. Lionelle questioned Ninja’s ability to deliver his promises, citing health care reform as an example. Ninja plans on investing in building cleaner litter box facilities, yet Lionelle claims his inability to stick to one litter box is the cause for the dirty bathrooms’ condition.

House members also doubt Ninja’s proposals for deficit reduction. “How can we save money when Ninja demands more and more chicken each day?” questions speech attendee Nichole Stevens. “I don’t know what more Ninja can do about the deficit. He already cut funding to most of The House research programs” Jeff L. Horner posted on his blog earlier. Ninja has cut The Blue House’s space exploration funding in attempts to cut back spending, while talk about Lionelle’s airline proposition, called Air Kitty, is gaining popularity.

Lionelle's complementary mimosa's serve as a popular attraction on Air Kitty.

Despite criticism towards Ninja’s decisions as elected Kitty of the Year, he still has a strong network of supporters standing behind him, including all of The Corner Room. As far as The East Wing is concerned, Lionelle’s support is growing every day.

Ninja waves to his supporters following a close victory on Tuesday.

THE BLUE HOUSE – After the dust settled following a wild voting crunch on Tuesday, Ninja emerged as The Blue House’s Kitty of the Year by winning The Kitty Konflict poll in a close contest. He defeated his rival Lionelle by 8 percent of the vote, 53 to 47. The poll’s close came as a record 484 votes were cast overall. Ninja captured 258 of those votes to Lionelle’s 226.

Many experts attribute Ninja’s victory to his recent success in the ongoing Konflict between the two cats. After he won the Third Battle of The Porch, sources state that he immediately went on the campaign trail attempting to win over the vote of a nation. Lionelle, however, came on much stronger than experts speculated. This upsurge may be due to the Ninja’s overexposure in the media. Whatever the case and considering the closeness of this vote, it is apparent that the nation remains divided over these two cats.

The controversy, however, has only begun. Team Lionelle already claims that the poll was wrought with fraud and corruption. Team Ninja claims that his victory should have been more of a landslide. Michael Fox and Dhizzy have already sparred with comments on a recent Blue House Lives article. With the intensity of the final tally at noon on Tuesday, experts suggest that many votes may have been discarded in the frenzy. “I believe overall,” said Jeff L. Horner, The Blue House Lives Year End Awards Chairman, “that the vote was fairly accurate. It definitely came down to the wire, but I think Ninja was the official winner.”

Officials close to the election have yet to announce the need for a recount. It will not be until the votes are officially totaled and announced, however, that Ninja becomes the authentic victor. This announcement will be part of the 2009 Blue House Lives Year End Awards later in December. Barring a strange twist of fate, however, it appears Ninja has once against conquered his nemesis, Lionelle.

President Obama spoke at the Dry Gap Convention, which pursued a resolution between Lionelle and Ninja.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – “We have an undying responsibility to uphold peace,” The President said this week at the Dry Gap Convention, a peace initiative created in order to settle the ongoing Kitty Konflict. President Obama headed a coalition of thirty-two nations in the effort. “We all know that Ninja’s got a peaceful heart,” Obama iterated, “and we are well-aware that Lionelle has the sensitivity to end this violent affair.”

As of yet, however, neither feline has delivered an official response. Aides close to Ninja relate that he is in no way ready to concede the fight, and the same can be speculated for Lionelle. The President, however, was hopeful that an end can be reached and a treaty can be drawn together. “I believe that a conflict is never unsolvable,” he said in front of a largely diverse crowd. “I believe that we are one people, we are one planet, and Ninja and Lionelle share the same dreams of equality, and this war can be brought to a swift conclusion.”

Jeff L. Horner, the prominent Kitty Konflict historian, was skeptical of The President’s resolve. “He was expected to make the remarks he did,” Horner stated, “but this is not the United States in election year. This is Ninja and Lionelle, and when it comes to them, all bets are off.” For now, both cats are heavily entrenched in their respective strongholds: Ninja at Study Window and Lionelle on The Porch.

Neither cat, however, is willing to give ground.

Neither feline has engaged in a major operation for a matter of weeks now, but it is clear that this inaction is merely the calm before the storm. “They will fight again,” Duncan Harryman, longtime Ninja ally speculated. “Perhaps, it will be as I believe: sooner than later.”

Over the weekend, officials announced that President Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. While pundits and critics of the administration are debating whether the President is deserving of such an honor, many believe that the Nobel committee was swayed by his action in the Kitty Konflict. Whether or not it will end the Konflict, however, only the two cats can decide.

An aide-de-camp to Lionelle stated that she is willing to hold her ground on The Porch for as long as it takes, and if Ninja continues his aggression, she will be forced to defend herself. Many experts, however, believe that Lionelle’s army is floundering. She has been witnessed recently urinating and defecating outside of her designated litter area. “This is usually the beginning of the end for a feline operation,” one note war historian noted. “Lionelle is showing symptoms of extreme duress, and this anxiety will eventually suck the morale from her forces.”

Many experts speculate that Lionelle's forces may be dwindling.

President Obama, as usual, displayed an unwavering optimism regarding a future resolution. “We are standing at an epic precipice,” the President said. “Today, we wake up in a world full of violence, and we observe two felines in a bloody struggle for supremacy. But tomorrow, we do not have to wake up in such a world. Tomorrow, there can be peace.” Lionelle, however, had a different opinion. “Tomorrow,” she said, “I plan to eat some grass.”

Will The Blue House deliver on its promises of renewal?

BACKYARD – In front of thousands of adoring fans, standing at a podium bearing The Blue House crest, the editor of this publication addressed the masses in a widely publicized speech that galvanized our loyal readership. Correspondents on the scene described the speech as “moving” and “highly arousing”. The speech affected the populace so much that many in the crowd became instantly drunk and wayward couples were found having intercourse amongst the trees. The eloquence even reached the hallowed halls of Washington, D.C., where President Obama was quoted as saying, “If I would have had to run against him (the editor), I would have lost every debate.”

Here is an excerpt of the highly-touted speech. It addresses the renewal of The Blue House Lives’s overarching purpose and execution:

“Due to recent expeditions, the staff of the beloved Blue House Lives has rained down nothing but neglect upon this sacred site. This occurrence is tragic to say the least. Nevertheless, our dedication remains the same. It is therefore the unyielding promise of this publication that a brighter future lays ahead. In this future, The Blue House Lives will never succumb to lackluster performance or submit itself to an endless desert of drought. The Blue House Lives will flourish once again. Instead of a desert, it will be surrounding by a vast and infinite forest of lush green.

“Right now, there are those out there saying that this task cannot be done. They say that the task is too great. They say that we have lost our vitality. They say that we have lost our brilliance. They say that we have lost our innate ability to transform our ambitions into crystal-clear reality. But they are wrong. And we will prove it.

Will this experienced journalist solve the staff's motivation problems?

“In order to display are new-found perseverance, we have acquired an experienced journalist from the “great” Northwest. She is currently overseeing action and establishing her own unique place within The Blue House. Within the next few days, her presence will be revealed in myriad articles and related pieces. Granted, the staff here really doesn’t need any help, for we are the undisputed ambassadors of awesomeness. Yet, we will accept her assistance for the time being. Perhaps, she might have a smidgeon of something useful to add.

“On a final note, the staff would like to issue our best wishes of luck and success to caudle, who will soon be exploring his own place within our nation’s prestigious military. So to caudle, we bid farewell, and as for The Blue House, we triumphantly carry on the fight.

“On another final note, to those who doubt our mastermind abilities, we challenge you to check the site weekly, even daily, for new and exciting articles. These new articles are guaranteed to blow your mind away (so get health insurance). This is just proof that dreams really do come true.”