Smokey's air raid on The Porch easily defeated the hornet that stung her in the face.

THE PORCH — Unexpectedly and forcibly, Smokey launched an air assault on The Porch today. Her mission was to avenge an “unprovoked” sting to her face by an ill-tempered hornet on Saturday.

Smokey stated that she had only been courting the hornet into a prospective trade agreement. Trade agreements are rare between felines and insects, but Smokey expressed a keen interest in salmon imports. In return, she promised the hornet unlimited access to The Porch. However, when Smokey leaned in to perform what she labeled “a cordial embrace,” the hornet struck. She attempted to shrug it off but was mildly stung in the side of the face.

She earned retribution this morning with a series of air raids designed to unseat the hornet. Her weapons included brake cleaner missiles and stuffed carrot bombs. Shortly after the attack commenced, the hornet and its small band of insect allies were decidedly exterminated.

“The strike was very well-coordinated,” Jeff L. Horner, Director of Kitty Studies at Blue House University, said. “Whether or not Smokey’s stated intentions are true, the sparks of a conflict were here, but through her strength, they were quickly extinguished.”

The attack was the first use of aggression by Smokey since her arrival at the Blue House. She displayed an acute decision-making ability combined with a courageous spirit. The insect community, no doubt, will now take note of Smokey as a substantial force. But should Lionelle, the House’s queen of felines, be concerned?

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Horner said. “It is doubtful that Smokey will unleash her air force again.”

He then sat speechless for a moment.

“Unless,” he said, “salmon learn to fly.”

For now, peace reigns over the fort. Expert wonder how long it will last, though.

LIVING ROOM, Blue House — With Smokey and Lionelle on the brink of war, a new feline fort towers over the living room carpet. The fort, dubbed Fort Meow, stands roughly three feet high and commands a highly strategic view of the House’s front lawn. Three elegant levels comprise its structure, and a luxurious hammock strings out near its ground level. A mysterious tube also hangs from its top platform leading experts to speculate that it may be some type of advanced weapon.

“It literally appeared overnight,” Jeff L. Horner, author of The Kitty Konflict: A Complete History, said. “We don’t yet know any particulars, such as who built it and why.” Even with the absence of concrete facts, the rumor mill has been turning. Some experts believe that Lionelle built it as a show of force, while other pundits claim that Smokey erected it to challenge Lionelle’s supremacy. A group of radical speculators have even suggested that Ninja had the fort constructed, and like Napoleon, will soon reenter the House as its grand emperor.

Smokey occupies the top platform at Fort Meow.

Occupation of Fort Meow has, so far, been a timeshare operation. Lionelle and Smokey, who seem as baffled by its presence as the general public, have manned (catted) the fort cooperatively. And while fragile peace rests over the House at the moment, both cats have engaged in subtle threats. Lionelle has hissed and growled, and many close to her compare those sounds to the same ones she uttered at the onset of the Lionelle/Ninja Kitty Konflict. Similarly, Smokey raised a paw at Lionelle, but sources ameliorate the situation by related that her paw was only raised in a “playful sort of manner”.

With neither kitty willing to make a decisive move, Fort Meow remains, for now, a mere curiosity.

Smokey, the new kitty, is described by Nickle as "the cutest kitty the world has to offer".

BLUE HOUSE — It only took three days. Nickle returned to the House on Saturday, and by Tuesday, she had brought a new kitty within its hallowed halls. Since that day, the kitten, called Smokey, has galvanized the House with personality and playfulness that appear unmatched. Yet, as the love-fest for this feline perpetuates, one has to ask: will she upset the pivotal balance of peace that has lately reigned over the House?

“She is peaceful and loveable,” Nickle said, “and, let’s not forget, super cute.”

Cuteness aside, the real asset to this kitten’s worth will be her relationship with Lionelle, who until only recently attained complete control of the Blue House. While she has been unavailable for comment, Lionelle obviously took issue with the new kitten’s arrival. She posted up on top of the East Wing couch on the kitten’s first day and projected a scowl that has been described as a “a ghastly visage, one that looks like the inner workings of fire strong-handed from the bowels of Hell”. And while that image haunted the residents of the House, Smokey seemed unfazed. She simply played and played, and when she saw fit, she played some more. Lionelle, always a star symbol of restraint, remained quiet aside from an occasional hiss and growl.

“This balance of peace is very delicate,” Jeff L. Horner, renowned Kitty Konflict scholar and the author of the new epic, A Complete History of the Kitty Konflict, said. “Lionelle knows this, and Smokey must respect it. Since Ninja’s abdication, the House has been bloodless and amicable. Let us all hope it remains so.”

Many now speculate whether Smokey's presence will upset the balance of peace.

Over the past few days, the two have come into contact on a handful of occasions. Once while lolling on a car cover, Lionelle was disturbed by Smokey. The latter was burrowing under the car cover. A forceful hiss spooked Smokey backwards into a gargantuan reverse pounce. Smokey’s back arched high in a gesture of submission or possibly an attempt to present herself as a larger cat.

Another occasion saw Smokey proffer playtime with a chase and pounce on Lionelle’s back. Lionelle responded with a chase of her own and two swift slaps to Smokey’s cheek, ruffling her whiskers a bit.

And yet, through all the drama and near-misses, full-scale hostility has not broken out. Lionelle keeps a silent vigil and continues to tolerate the new arrival. One can only question, however, how long she will continue to do so.

Ninja returned to House recently but stated that he's only staying for a short time to oversee the House "from the sidelines only."

BLUE HOUSE – A wary Blue House witnessed the return of Ninja this week. The former feline emperor entered the House as a revered guest in order to observe Blue House operations “from the sidelines only.”

“He is not here with any malicious designs,” Jeff L. Horner, senior Kitty Konflict korrespondent, stated. “I know him well enough. He’s not here to start a fight.”

Ninja’s own spokeskitty confirmed that as well in a low-key press conference upon the for ruler’s arrival. “His grand highness Ninja is not here for vanity,” the spokeskitty said. “His untainted majesty of perfection is only here as a very important and exalted friend.”

Lionelle, the unofficial feline leader of the House, voiced a much different opinion concerning Ninja’s visit. Through a translator well-versed in Meepic, Lionelle’s native tongue, she declared, “We, as a House, must not allow such a tyrant (Ninja) to just waltz into this domain whenever he pleases. He must understand that his previous atrocities in this place will not be treated with impunity.”

Many fear that a new war may break out if Ninja does not depart soon. “He’ll be out of here,” M.C. Fox said. “He’s just waiting for his benefactors to return from the Virgin Islands. Hopefully, they return soon, though. Lionelle wants him out or else.” When asked, “Or else what?” Fox did not reply.

Ninja, however, consistently reiterated his peaceful intentions. “I left here in peace, and I have returned in peace. I am only here for a short time,” he said. “It’s not enough time to start a war.” For the future stability of the Blue House, one can only hope that he is truthful.

This image represents what many now believe to be Lionelle's biological father.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The story of Lionelle’s first contact with the House is rather well-known. None can doubt her courage as she braved a desolate railroad in her journey to link up with House. None can also doubt the sheer generosity possessed by the House in her subsequent adoption. When Lionelle was found on the railroad tracks, it is said that a new star burst forth in the heavens. Such miracles have yet to be proven, however.

Following her adoption, however, members of the House struggled to establish anything concrete about her. No one knew her breed, her age, or even her gender. She was initially named Lionel, after the renowned rail corporation. It was only when she went into heat and terrorized Caudle, in response to the wanton cruelty he’d rained down upon her, that it was firmly established that she was, indeed, a female. Therefore, her official title became Lionelle, as in the Southern Belle of lions. The House, coincidently, had no idea how close they were to her true origin.

Fast forward a few years to a trip to the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. by the ever-adventurous Nickle and Scooter where Lionelle’s true parentage may have been discovered. As the two adventurers approached the big cats section of the park, they were treated with a exceedingly loud display. One of the featured lions of the zoo, who’s stature can only be described as picturesque, seemed to recognize Nickle and Scooter and began howling uncontrollably.

“Did he say Lionelle?” Nickle asked.

“I believe so,” Scooter said.

It appeared that the lion knew of the House and its celebrated tenants and decided to make an unexpected appeal. The lion knew of Lionelle, and he wanted her back. Nickle and Scooter, as any responsible adventurer would do, simply let the lion be. They walked away, but not before Scooter filmed a short sequence displaying the lion’s howl and pent-up desperation.

Here is that same footage:

No one can deny the close resemble between the lion and Lionelle.

What does this mean for Lionelle? Is this her real father? The similarities can’t be denied. The two felines share the same eyes and overall body structure. They also both share an insatiable hunting appetite. Finally, they are both considered two of the most glorious creatures in all the animal kingdom. If this lion is her real father, should Lionelle be forced to leave the Blue House and her auspicious situation therein? Or, and this scenario terrifies most people that frequent the House: should the lion be transferred captivities from the zoo to the House? Perhaps, the controversy will be settled as most is settled in our modern era: with no one acting at all. Perhaps, the lion should remain at the zoo crying for his lost kitten, and Lionelle should remain a symbol of pride for the entire House.

Ninja's speech was very brief, but its implications are house-altering.

THE PORCH, Blue House – The speech came and went. It was short and sweet. And Ninja is gone, having left the house, as he claimed it, in “peace.”

While the speculators expected a speech that would rival Kennedy or Lincoln, Ninja instead delivered a speech that consisted of only 107 words, but many near the scene say that it may resonate for years to come. “Ninja is a modern Cincinnatus,” Jeff L. Horner, leading Kitty Konflict historian, said. “He left the house up to its own devices. Now, only God knows what kind of government the house will adopt.”

Ninja described abandoning his throne as his “rightful and noble duty” and went on to “thank the house for its blessings.” Following the speech, The Porch, Ninja’s old stronghold, erupted in gracious applause. Even Lionelle was said to have wept when he concluded.

Now, it seems the house is at peace, and the cries of kitty warfare are silenced like ghosts absolved. One can only hope that the tranquil feeling will last. Today may be marked as a holiday if it does. But if not, may we all celebrate this day in Ninja’s honor, or perhaps honor it as Ninja does. “Today,” he said, “let us revel in peace.”

Here is Ninja’s speech as seen on The Porch:

“It caught us all by surprise,” Nickle stated shortly after the abdication and subsequent shave. “He stood for order and strength. Right now, our strength is drained, and we are certainly without order.”

As disquietude reigns in Ninja’s place, those close to the house think the only solution is a unanimous appeasement to Lionelle. “I think,” Striker said, “that it’s time for Lionelle to rise to the position that she’s been prepared for her entire life.”

When asked whether the war is over or not, however, Jeff L. Horner responded simply by saying, “I don’t know enough yet.” Ninja’s forces, for now, still occupy The Porch, the symbolic stronghold that carried so much significance throughout the war. Who commands them following the abdication remains a mystery.

Reports have also been surfacing, that show that Lionelle has been strengthening her forces. It is possible that she could launch an assault upon The Porch while Ninja’s military faces a logistics calamity.

The Blue House is confused and anxious right now. Many believe that Ninja’s abdication may grant freedom, but others believe it will plunge the house into a pool of anarchy. All fears are justified, and it appears that only Ninja’s speech later this week will hold the answer.

This is the first image of Ninja following his unexpected abdication. He shaved his fur into a lion cut.

PORCH FORTRESS, Blue House – In a wave of unprecedented events, Ninja has officially abdicated as Grand Emperor of the Blue House. The announcement came earlier this morning, and Ninja is expected to give a farewell speech within days. The former leader also shaved his fur, leading many to believe that his action is based on an ambiguous African kitty religion.

For the last year, Ninja and Lionelle have been engaged in a bitter conflict for control of the Blue House. Once Ninja’s forces stormed The Porch and shoved Lionelle into exile, Ninja established the Ninja Empire, which has become the sole governing body of the house. The implications of Ninja’s abdication on the war and the house have yet to be realized. Lionelle, as of yet, has been unavailable for comment. Many critics, however, speculate that the introduction of a third feline, Sophie, may have carried weight in Ninja’s decision.

Photos are slowly trickling out that display Ninja’s new haircut. The style closely resembles that of a lion. “It seems Ninja is trying reconnect with something lion-like, perhaps his ancient African roots,” Jeff L. Horner, leading Kitty Konflict historian stated. “As a cat of color, he has, for a long time, spoken of getting in touch with his ancestry. The lion-cut may be the first step.”

The entire house is sitting on edge awaiting Ninja’s speech. What he says will impact the lives of many, and his departure could lead to the next great upheaval in the house. This publication will have much more coverage of this epic happening, for we, like everyone else, could be mortally affected by it.

Sophie snoozes in the Bottled Water Box in an act of unselfish protection.

KITCHEN, Blue House – In case of a zombie apocalypse, it’s good to know that the Blue House’s bottled water supply is safe. Residents were thoroughly pleased recently when they caught a glimpse of Sophie sleeping soundly inside a water bottle box. “It was cute,” Nickle said, “I thought it wasn’t possible for her to be any cuter, but, as usual, she defies my expectations.”

Experts are unsure how Sophie ended up in the box, but most agree she must have climbed in with altruistic intentions. “She wants to protect our water,” Jeff L. Horner said. “Water is our most precious resource, and one of our precious felines wants it to remain abundant in our house.”

Sophie lied still in the box for a matter of hours. Some speculators wonder if she anticipated some unexpected attack on the house, for she did not waver in the least from her difficult task of lounging and sleeping. Eventually, she did rise her furry little head and leave the water safely behind, but, as many in The Blue House agree, when it comes to thorough and experienced resource protection, Sophie’s methods are anything but all wet.

In mauling the bird, Sophie is proving to be a force in The House.

THE PORCH – Sophie’s first conclave with Ninja at his Porch headquarters came to a surprising conclusion on Wednesday when Sophie captured an aberrant bird and nearly mauled it to death. Once House officials removed Sophie, the bird flew to a safer height, but a sanguineous wound was clearly visible under its left wing.

“It’s questionable what kind of message her (Sophie’s) action projects,” Jeff L. Horner, the senior Kitty Konflict correspondent stated. “If she wants to show that she is resolute and dangerous, I believe she got that across.”

Ninja’s people have yet to comment on Sophie’s actions, but eyewitnesses relate that he had a horrified expression as Sophie bashed the bird senseless. Critics now believe that even Ninja is somewhat intimidated in Sophie’s presence. The implications of this intimidation to his overall war strategy are unknown at the moment.

Relating to the bird, as it perched in The Porch’s higher reaches, Blue House officials had to step in and see to its safe removal. Northwest coast immigrant Nichole suited up in what was dubbed by the mass-media as an “avian-material (AVMAT) suit.”

As she crept up to the bird, tensions on The Porch reached towering levels. Eventually, she managed to coerce it from its perch and strong-arm it around The Porch, and in the end, she shepherded it to the entrance where it immediately flew down and dashed under The Porch.

“It was impressive,” Horner went on to say. “Nichole bullied an injured bird until it was forced to withdraw. Her strategy might have been the most exquisitely executed of the war by any party.”

A gaping wound is clearly visible under the bird's wing.

With the bird gone, business returned to normal on The Porch, although Ninja’s and Sophie’s meeting supposedly came to nothing. Officials affirm that Ninja was too flabbergasted to continue the clandestine meeting. It appears that the conference has been postponed, but Kitty Konflict scholars avow that Ninja and Sophie will meet again.

“He’ll definitely need to rethink his strategy when dealing with her,” one such scholar said. “She’s shown that she is, in herself, a grave threat to those who cross her. Ninja can’t bully her around as he originally intended.”

Insider sources have yet to communicate a possible date for their next meeting, but The Blue House Lives will continue to dig deep into the trenches on this ongoing story.

Other photographs (click to enlarge):

Nichole donned an AVMAT suit to force out the bird.

Nichole tries to corner the bird.

Nichole forces the bird around The Porch.