Mustangs were a common victim of the past week's storms.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — In the wake of a week of news-making thunderstorms and tornados, citizens local to the House have been sharing their own dramatic storm stories. Strangely, and perhaps expectedly, they all sound eerily similar.

“A tree fell on my neighbor’s car,” one impacted citizen said. “He had pulled it out to clean out his garage when the storm hit. A tree fell flat into the back of it—shattering the windshield. It’s a 1967 Mustang with fully original everything—even the paint.”

Another devastating citizen had a horrifying tale:

“My house ended up fine,” he said, “but my neighbor, boy did he get it bad. A tree fell through his car. It was awful. The car was a fully original something, a Mustang, I think.”

And while it seemed that this storm was only out for classic automobiles, another story came to light:

“That storm was the worst I ever did see,” the citizen said. “A tree crashed right through my neighbor’s house. I felt so bad for him and his family. You know what the kicker was? They called their house ‘Mustang’.”

The exact reason they titled their house this remains a mystery. But the storm was no mystery. The storm was frightful mess. Take, for example, this alarmed person’s story:

“I live on a farm,” she said. “My husband’s a farmer. Imagine that. Anyway, the storm hit our crops badly, but what really irks me the most is that a tree cracked and fell on my favorite horse—killing him instantly. He was a good Mustang.”

So while these stories all end with trees killing Mustangs, one must remember that it is probably a simple law of nature. Mustangs live, and Mustangs die. Let the trees do the rest. This last story is the one that really brought it home.

“I was sitting on my chair drinking my whiskey when the storm came in. My power went out immediately. So, I just sat there and drank my whiskey. The next day, I finally got up and went to the cabinet to get a bag of chips, and would you believe it, as I grabbed the first chip, the power came back on. The chip I held in my hand was the exact shape of…”

It seems any moron could predict where this story was going.

“…Abraham Lincoln,” the man said.

Perhaps, not every moron.

“And then,” the man said, “a tree fell on my brand-new Mustang.”

The verdict is in: all storm stories suck.

Tags: mustangs, stories, storms

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 26th, 2011 at 9:04 am and is filed under People. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.