This week, BH Cinema is proud to present Curse of the Golden Flower, the Chinese epic directed by Zhang Yimou. Nickle heralds this movie as "pretty good". Scooter has viewed the poster art and wholeheartedly agrees.
Air Quality in Hell Better than in Washington
The air quality is so bad in Seattle that downtown is barely visible.
SEATTLE, Wash. – A recent report indicated that the air quality in Washington State is far worse than any other state. The air is so bad, in fact, that many researchers have declared that the air is better in Hell than in the Evergreen State.
Why the air is so bad is actually not much of a mystery. “It’s Washington,” one renowned researcher said. “Everything is bad. Why shouldn’t the air be bad too?” Washington is known for its overcast haziness, but with this new report, it can safely be said that the cloudiness is certainly related to the poor air.
The barely breathable environment is also responsible for the disfigured appearance of most Washington citizens. “If there’s anything closer to a zombie than a Washingtonian,” Jeff L. Horner, BHL virtuoso said, “I don’t know what it is.” Considering most Washingtonians are characterized by hideousness, it is of no wonder that the populous sold the coveted Space Needle to the dreamy Jonas Brothers.
Appeals are indubitably expected later in the week. These appeals, however, are expected to come from Hell rather than Washington. “I can’t believe our home would even be compared to Washington,” the Devil’s spokesperson said following the report. “It is an insult to what we’ve tried to build here. To compare us to that cesspool of a state is an insult to our minimal cleanliness.”
Tourists to the Evergreen State (if there are any) are advised to don HAZMAT suits.
Jeff L. Horner commented, “You know you’re state’s bad when even Hell doesn’t want to be in the same sentence with it.” Perhaps it is lucky for the rest of the nation that Congressional officials have voted to erect a giant wall around Washington. Some, however, say that the wall doesn’t go far enough. “What Washington needs is a bubble around it,” one congressman said. “I should be like that new Stephen King book. That would be the only real way of keeping the filth from infected the rest of the country.”
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