The Awards Show promises to outshine all other awards show, but sadly, the event is closed to the prying public.

THE PALACE AT BLUE HOUSE CENTRAL – On Sunday, The Blue House Lives holds its first annual year-end awards banquet. Many of the nominees, and some of the winners, have been known now for some time, but the event promises to be one of mythic proportions. A rampart collection of Blue House notables will be in attendance as they gather to honor each other’s achievements. However, most will stand tall and pay homage to this humble publication, through which they have been given a voice for the past months.

The venue for the event will be the newly-constructed (and only recently imagined) Palace at Blue House Central. Sadly, the event will be closed to the public as the aforementioned Palace is conspicuously hidden from plain sight. Jeff L. Horner, longtime friend of our esoteric editor, stated regarding the venue, “The place was constructed so that only those worth of The Blue House can find it.”

When asked exactly what is going to be celebrated by the awards show, Horner went on to say, “The show is, essentially, a celebration of America. That’s all we care about. That’s all we ever cared about. It’s America that makes this possible. In fact, we are opening the show with a live performance of Copland’s Hoedown played on the vintage synthesizer.” With that promise, the awards show may go on to set a standard that may never be surpassed.

Here is a brief rundown of the major award categories and their nominees:

“The Bathroom Entertainment Center”

“The Bi-Lo Experience”

“The Milk Thief”

“Bones in “This is Bullshit””

“Dreams Drown as Pool Drains”

“A Tribute to Frank”

Kitty Konflict

“No Washington”

M.C. Fox

Amazon War

Health Care Crisis

Fryin’ Brian

Little Brian

Lionelle

Icehouse Can

Amazon Package

Caudle

Scooter

Pierce Brosnan

Bill Paxton

Jeff Goldblum

“Hotel Room Service” by Pitbull

Dhizzy’s iPod Mix

Whistling of “Theme from Jurassic Park”

Scooter’s Classical Ambiance

Rush Hour

Rush Hour 2

Rush Hour 3

Striker

Couch Surfer

John

Ricky/FIN

Winner of the World

Stray Dogs

Icehouse

Resurrection

Corona

Michelob Lime Cactus

Coors Light

Schlitz

Milk

Vanilla Chai Tea

Coffee

Jim Beam and Dr. Pepper

Water

Lionelle

Ninja

George W. Bush

Thomas Jefferson

Abraham Lincoln

Barack Obama

William Henry Harrison

M.C. Fox

Leelee

Bill Paxton

Nichole

Pierce Brosnan

Bones

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 6th, 2010 at 7:19 am and is filed under Entertainment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.