Awards Show Preview
The Awards Show promises to outshine all other awards show, but sadly, the event is closed to the prying public.
THE PALACE AT BLUE HOUSE CENTRAL – On Sunday, The Blue House Lives holds its first annual year-end awards banquet. Many of the nominees, and some of the winners, have been known now for some time, but the event promises to be one of mythic proportions. A rampart collection of Blue House notables will be in attendance as they gather to honor each other’s achievements. However, most will stand tall and pay homage to this humble publication, through which they have been given a voice for the past months.
The venue for the event will be the newly-constructed (and only recently imagined) Palace at Blue House Central. Sadly, the event will be closed to the public as the aforementioned Palace is conspicuously hidden from plain sight. Jeff L. Horner, longtime friend of our esoteric editor, stated regarding the venue, “The place was constructed so that only those worth of The Blue House can find it.”
When asked exactly what is going to be celebrated by the awards show, Horner went on to say, “The show is, essentially, a celebration of America. That’s all we care about. That’s all we ever cared about. It’s America that makes this possible. In fact, we are opening the show with a live performance of Copland’s Hoedown played on the vintage synthesizer.” With that promise, the awards show may go on to set a standard that may never be surpassed.
Here is a brief rundown of the major award categories and their nominees:
Video of the Year:
“The Bathroom Entertainment Center”
“The Bi-Lo Experience”
“The Milk Thief”
“Bones in “This is Bullshit””
“Dreams Drown as Pool Drains”
“A Tribute to Frank”
Storyline of the Year:
Kitty Konflict
“No Washington”
M.C. Fox
Amazon War
Health Care Crisis
Porch Rider of the Year:
Fryin’ Brian
Little Brian
Lionelle
Icehouse Can
Amazon Package
Video Game Anger of the Year:
Dhizzy
Caudle
Scooter
Celebrity of the Year:
Pierce Brosnan
Bill Paxton
Jeff Goldblum
Kitchen Score of the Year:
“Hotel Room Service” by Pitbull
Dhizzy’s iPod Mix
Whistling of “Theme from Jurassic Park”
Scooter’s Classical Ambiance
Awesome Film of the Year:
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2
Rush Hour 3
Guest Appearance of the Year:
Striker
Couch Surfer
John
Ricky/FIN
Winner of the World
Stray Dogs
Beer of the Year:
Icehouse
Resurrection
Corona
Michelob Lime Cactus
Coors Light
Schlitz
Beverage of the Year:
Milk
Vanilla Chai Tea
Coffee
Jim Beam and Dr. Pepper
Water
Kitty of the Year:
Lionelle
Ninja
U.S. President of the Year:
George W. Bush
Thomas Jefferson
Abraham Lincoln
Barack Obama
William Henry Harrison
Person of the Year:
M.C. Fox
Leelee
Bill Paxton
Nichole
Pierce Brosnan
Bones
Sept. 3, 1802
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