Lionelle could only watch as Ninja's forces rolled onto The Porch.

THE PORCH – In an operation made for the history books, Ninja finally captured The Porch. He did so with an all-out assault that rivaled only blitzkrieg in its intensity. After a grueling defense, Lionelle, facing certain annihilation, was faced to abandon her longtime stronghold. “When the tanks rolled in,” The Blue House Lives only living war correspondent said, “Lionelle confronted the face of defeat. It takes a certain amount of bravery to abandon an intimate fortification like she did.”

The victory was utterly crucial for Ninja, for it enabled him to control the major supply port at The Blue House. Every bit of food, litter and cat nip that passes through to Lionelle must now first go through Ninja. For Lionelle, the loss of The Porch was devastating. Rumors had been circulating for weeks regarding her dwindling forces. Now, it has become certain that Lionelle is on a precipice and faces the possibility of ultimate defeat.

Ninja’s war machine, however, is running on all cylinders. He mustered a terrifying collection of tanks, aircraft and heavy artillery and slammed into Lionelle’s defenses. It seemed no matter how much Lionelle’s forces were entrenched, Ninja would not be repelled. In this, The Third Battle of The Porch, Ninja did away with a strategy of skirmishes and prepared for a decisive strike.

Ninja (left) was relentless in his offensive against Lionelle (center).

Those close to the battlefield say that the casualty level on both sides was nothing less than exorbitant. Ninja’s lost a chunk of his army, but Lionelle seems to have lost the brunt of her war-making muscle. Many critics now say that her unconditional surrender is approaching.

Following the victory, Ninja stood before a congregation of supporters and demanded Lionelle’s capitulation. He also promised the establishment of what he termed the “Ninja Empire”. What this Empire entails is unknown at the moment. Ninja did promise that he would soon “control all the litter boxes in The Blue House”. Lionelle has already complained that Ninja has snuck into her box late in the night and planted a few odorous mines. The Blue House Lives has received a video copy of Ninja’s victory speech, and it is presented here:

This battle marked the first physical conflict between the two felines in weeks. War strategians speculate that this battle was the culmination of a mini cold war, in which both sides stockpiled their arsenals in preparation for a conclusive collision. Whether or not the defeat on The Porch spells doom for Lionelle, however, remains to be witnessed.

Lionelle fled early in the morning following a day’s worth of bombardment. This bombardment was followed by a combination of land and amphibious invasions by Ninja and his extensive military. The artillery shelling of the early day had already weakened Lionelle. Therefore, Ninja’s forces were able to storm through to all facets of The Porch without debilitating resistance.

Ninja's (right) amphibious assault stifled Lionelle's (left) defenses.

“It was remarkable,” one observer said. “Ninja’s total offensive and marauding crippled Lionelle. Yet, she withdrew with as much courage and brilliance as Ninja displayed coming in.” Many close to the war believe that Lionelle’s decision to withdraw signals her unwillingness to surrender. That intransigent disposition is what has propelled this ongoing conflict. Even with Ninja celebrating like George W. Bush on an aircraft carrier, it is difficult to fathom Lionelle calling it quits. Experts believe she has retired to Old Pontiac on the East Wing. There, they say, she waits for another encounter with her perpetual nemesis.

August 10, 2009 – Cats Clash on Porch Again!
July 27, 2009 – The Porch Invaded

Tags: conflict, george w. bush, Kitty Konflict, lionelle, ninja, the porch, victory speech, videos

This entry was posted on Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 4:19 pm and is filed under House News, Kitty Konflict. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.