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Soulja Boy has evolved into a highly lethal virus.

EARTH – The planet has now witnessed the first great pandemic of the twenty-first century, and it is not swine flu. Blue House scientists confirmed earlier this week that the newly discovered virus, titled Soulja Boy, has raged unfettered throughout the world. “This infection truly feels like an apocalypse,” The Blue House Lives senior medical correspondent stated. “God only knows what can stop it.”

The virus received its name shortly after researchers at the Blue House Center for Infectious Diseases isolated it. “We definitely coined it after the rapper,” the Director of the Center related. “We felt that the name accurately describes how the symptoms make one feel.” “And how is that?” our reporter questioned. The Director’s response was brief. “Completely worthless,” he said.

Blue House scientists believe that the virus initially surfaced in the Middle East. “With the expansive military presence there,” one researcher said, “it is no wonder the disease has blanketed the planet.”

While the mechanics of the virus remain a mystery, its origin is quite well-known. The virus was created in the deepest and darkest labs within Deck Entertainment records, back in the Fall of 2007.  So far, it has claimed roughly 60% of the world’s population. Millions have tragically been lost, and multiple countries have become forsaken by its wrath.

The Blue House has not been immune either. Leelee and Man-Man have already fallen victim and were isolated and contained in the Blue House quarantine units. The Blue House Center for Infectious Diseases regards their recovery as a top priority. “They’ll be back on their feet shortly,” the Director said. “We have ordered respective cures for both of them. Man-Man will get his MyHouse and Leelee will receive a heavy dose of Friends.” Additionally, The Blue House has invested in viral protection to surround the perimeter of The House.

Soulja Boy is quickly devastating the world's population.

Unfortunately, the Florida Gators had already become prey to Soulja Boy two weeks ago during their game against Tennessee. Coach Urban Meyer blames the flu for their poor performance. It is even rumored that Tim “Superman” Tebow actually sneezed once during the game. If this rumor turns out to be true, the ramifications could be catastrophic. “If Superman fails,” The Blue House Lives senior superhero correspondent said, “then we all fail.”

The Center has yet to comment on an overall planetary cure. It seems the disease will continue to infiltrate the most hidden crevices of Earth for the weeks to come. The Blue House Lives promises that as long as our health remains intact, we will provide continuous coverage of this deadly virus.

Tags: florida gators, pandemic, plague, soulja boy, tim tebow, virus

This entry was posted on Monday, October 5th, 2009 at 1:27 pm and is filed under House News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.