Coinstar Controversy!

Saturday, August 22, 2009
By Scooter
Fox's victory ($34.53) has many furrowing their brows.

Fox's victory ($34.53) has many furrowing their brows.

INGLES, MERCHANTS DRIVE – While the mainstream media provided extensive coverage of the ongoing elections in Afghanistan, the focus of most people’s attention was diverted by a much more intriguing contest. For centuries now, Michael C. Fox and Jeff L. Horner have gathered their loose change for an inevitable trek to the nearest Coinstar. This competition attracts considerable monthly attention. This month’s installment, however, has many in an uproar.

Normally, when the planet’s physics are in natural order, Horner prevails over Fox at the Coinstar machine. Yet, this month Fox celebrated victory. This victory immediately erupted in a firestorm of allegations, ranging from fraud to package packing. Jeff L. Horner said, “I definitely think something went awry here. And Fox definitely stuffs his pants.”

Fox, whose total was $34.53 compared to Horner’s $28.14, completely denies these accusations. “What you see is what you get,” he stated shortly after the controversy arose. Yet, those close to the event are not so sure. “When I originally saw the coins before the journey to Coinstar,” one observer said, “it appeared that Horner easily had more.”

Horner uses a plastic cup, while Fox totes a Crown Royal bag.

Horner uses a plastic cup, while Fox totes a Crown Royal bag.

Coinstar rules clearly outline the rules regarding coin storage, and some believe that this rule is the main contributor to the controversy. The rules state that Horner must always carry his coins in a blue plastic cup while Fox must tote his in a Crown Royal bag. One loose change expert said, “It’s easy to think there are more coins in the cup than in the bag. It’s mostly an optical illusion like Chris Angel or something. It is very possible that Fox actually had more coins. Horner just appeared to have more.”

An investigation has opened to fully chronicle the secret goings-on of this most recent contest. As of yet, though, the investigation has failed to provide sufficient evidence to incriminate Mr. Fox. There are those, however, who believe that the investigation is inherently flawed.

“I’m wholly convinced,” Striker, who was extremely close to the proceedings, said, “that Fox robbed my car of change before the pilgrimage to Coinstar. In fact, I think he grabbed a handful from Jeff’s car as well.” Horner has yet to accuse Fox of stealing from his vehicle, but he is not denying the possibility. “Whether he pilfered change from my car, I am unsure,” he said. “Yet, I still believe that this investigation will turn something up. That I can promise.”

Despite the allegations, experts say that this competition will continue.

Despite the allegations, experts say that this competition will continue.

For now, however, Fox quietly celebrates his victory. He was observed recently eating a lavish dinner with his parents, and while they were unavailable for comment, it was clear that his parents showered him with adulation.

Horner, though, simply presses on and awaits the results of the investigation. The Blue House Lives senior Coinstar correspondent related, “This may never end. Next month, these two gladiators will be back at that machine battling for coinage control.” The Blue House Lives will tirelessly follow the investigation and present any breaks in the story to our loyal readers.

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One Response to “Coinstar Controversy!”

  1. Nichole

    We had a coinstar battle up and over in WA too, should have hired an investigator like the blue house. Coinstar cheaters never prosper!

    #142

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