When Parties Collide!
As Hilary Bailey departed the “Blonde and Gone” party on Saturday night, a stark realization became clear to everyone left behind: the party had shifted from Hilary’s going away party to Fryin’ Brian Elmore’s 29th and 30th birthday party. “This was difficult to adapt to at first,” one attendee stated. “It’s two different attitudes regarding a party, and those of us left behind had to adapt or leave.”
The one who seemed to have the least trouble was Elmore, who had arrived with the attitude that it was his 29th and 30th birthday and only that. Our chief party correspondent reported, “Hilary was already leaving when he arrived, so he could only assume that the theme had shifted.” Shifted it had, and everyone around had to evolve. “I thought everyone adjusted admirably,” Jeff L. Horner said. “We all started drinking heavily, for we knew that was how Elmore wanted it.”
While most critics have panned the party and even went as far as to label it “a complete and utter failure,” perhaps, it was the ability of The House to shift its behavior from one party to the next so seamlessly that adds a tinge of success to an otherwise cataclysmic debacle. Once it had become official that the theme had shifted, the Hilary banners were quickly covered with Elmore marquees, and the Hilary blimp flying high above the house was hastily shot from the sky and replaced with an Elmore hot-air balloon. “They did an amazing job,” an attendee declared. “We even roasted marshmallows on the flaming blimp as it burned out. If the party was failure, which it was, it was a successful failure.”
As the Elmore party raged, people began drinking like heavily intoxicated fish. It was widely reported that Elmore himself drank enough to float a battleship as he and Wiggs entered into a fierce shot-taking battle. B.L. Caldwell, who admits he was shocked by the change in the party’s tone, said, “I thought one of them was going to die. I heard the battle rage from the Downstairs.” No one died, however, and the party rolled on into the night.
Granted, the “Blonde and Gone” party may have been a significant setback to The Blue House’s reputation, but the Elmore 29th and 30th party may have redeemed some of that formed whiskey-stained luster. “I think overall, taking both parties into account, it was mediocre at best,” one expert stated.
It is unknown when The Blue House will host another benefit, for it seems that this one has brought The House down a peg. “With Winslow a no-show and the illness of the guest-of-honor, I’d say we f*cked up pretty bad,” one anonymous house resident said. “We’ll be back, though. You can bet your last bottom dollar on it.”